Thursday, January 3, 2008

Grandma Mehitabel

After reading Lightening's intro of her family, I thought I'd better explain about Grandma Mehitabel.

Grandma Mehitabel is aged around 153.
I know this because I snuck a look at the christening certificate she produced for the driving instructor when he asked for proof of age.
I wouldn't dare ask her age as I have an aversion to being belted about the head with a handbag that contains an old flat iron "only for my personal safety,dear".
Grandma Mehitabel was born in Ballarat, a short nine months after the Eureka Stockade event.
She claims her conception was a result of the rush of blood to her father's head, a statement that has made me look at her sideways ever since, trying to figure out if she does have a sense of humour after all.

Grandma never begins the day without her corsets and miles of petticoats. I've often wondered if they based the design of parachutes on her underclothes.
She wears sensible brown leather lace up shoes, a blouse, tweed skirt in all weathers and a hat.
She stands very straight and won't hesitate to rap anyone's knuckles if she finds them slouching.
The last time she did that, Prince Phillip bravely bit his tongue in acidic retort and has stood all the more straighter since.

She has her wood stove going 24/7 and spends her time baking all sorts of cholesterol laden treats for the family. The National Heart Foundation have labeled her a lost cause and have ambulances on stand-by when she bakes for birthdays and Christmas.
This year there were only 2 casualties ; Great Aunt Hepzibah and Great Uncle Rupert.
But Great Uncle Rupert over-did the wormwood in his home-made absinthe, so Grandma didn't get the extra notch on her wooden spoon.

Grandma has only started buying milk in the past few years, after the council finally won the battle to have her herd of cows removed from the back yard.
When I say 'herd' , I'm using the term the council used to describe Flossie the ancient Jersey cow who knocked over the last developer who tried to badger Grandma into selling her property.
Flossie gave double the volume of milk for a week after that.

Her garden has kept her, the family and the whole street in fruit and vegetables, and flowers for weddings,christenings and funerals for many years. Great Aunt Hepzibah ruined the wreath for Great Great Grandpa Tobias' funeral and we had to repeat the service and bury him all over again the following week.
Great Uncle Rupert didn't mind as he got to try his new batch of jungle juice on another wake full of people.

Grandma Mehitabel is pleased to be sharing her recipes on this blog. I know this because she pointed to where her recipe jottings are kept and she didn't burn my golden syrup dumplings the night I asked her.

Great Aunt Hepzibah, on the other hand, is a different kettle of fish altogether....

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