Monday, February 18, 2008

What would YOU do/think?

I was hoping I didn't have to mention this as sticking my head in the sand being polite has worked before.
The Spouse came home a few weeks ago and casually announced that he'd bumped into an ex-girlfriend who lives so bloody close I'm thinking of building an 8 foot electric fence barely 4 houses from us in the same street.
The Spouse is one of those blokes who doesn't realise a female has any designs on him until she has her tongue stuck down his throat spells it out in black and white.
The ex (we'll call her Z) has stalked bumped into The Spouse a total of 10 times within a week and called in unexpectedly to check out the opposition meet me on Saturday.
The last time The Spouse dated her was back in 1989 but I don't think Z has noticed the years apart.
During her visit she was so aggressive I almost asked if she was employed to guard a car-yard somewhere...but, you'll be proud of me, I resisted temptation.wink

Today she has stalked bumped into The Spouse 3 times and even he's starting to get a tad concerned.
Do I -
A) Lock The Spouse inside every day?

B) Glue myself to his side each time he ventures out?

C) Tell her he's moved to Outer Mongolia?
D) Tell her I buried him in the vegie patch and she's welcome to join him?razz


  1. I'm a firm believer in the idea of never blaming problems in a relationship on someone outside the relationship. It's human nature (band together type stuff) but it's dumb dumb dumb. It's the people in a relationship who need to take responsibility for protecting it and making it grow.

    If my hubby is letting some woman cosy up to him, my issue is ultimately with HIM. HE is permitting inappropriate behaviour, HE is in a position to say, "ew, stop it, you're acting like a skank!" HE is the one with the power to help or kill his marriage.

    In the circumstances, I think I'd explain specific things she's doing that make me think she's after a bit more of a 'catch-up' than he's wanting, explain that leading her on is bad and nasty, and request that the two of us sit down and come up with some ideas for getting the message across. (note: consistent behaviour!)

    Apologies for the essay. I see this problem a lot. Sadly, I've caused the problem on occasion. Never deliberately or with any interest in the male involved... but that's beside the point. Lemme know if the essay is at least useful :-)

  2. LOL thanks Naomi but there's no probs in this marriage, was just wondering if I was over-reacting to odd behaviour ;)
    The Spouse and I are mates with several of each others ex's and there's never been a prob till this one appeared.
    The Spouse finds it uncomfortable too and isn't happy about her suddenly appearing in his face everytime he steps foot outside the front gate.
    She's not a stable little camper so we're wary of saying anything to her.
    Maybe we can have a dose of measles for a few months ? lol

  3. blog bling alert!!! Come and see!

  4. I am sending bleeding haemorroids vibes to her. And a face full of pus filled cold sores....

    Some women are turned on by the attached male. I think you have gotz yourself one of those freak shows.

    No advice, sorry babe. MPS was a radio announcer and is still a DJ at a club. He has gorgeous women draping themselves all over him ALL THE TIME (even when he is at the supermarket WITH ME!) and I have had to grow a thick skin and realise that he is with me cause he loves me.

  5. Sorry Jayne, didn't mean to imply you're on the brink of divorce :-D Reading my comment back, I can see how I came across... oops! All I mean is, it's best if your hubby's the one to tell her she's acting like a freakshow and please go away, rather than you.

  6. You could casually mention "genital herpes" in her presence.

  7. I have no advice but (steal it if you have to) put a for sale sign out the front if the other advice doesn't work. I would hate this kind of thing no matter how stable my marriage and how loved I felt. Freakshow. I second Kelley's vibes to her.

  8. Thank you Tiff :)

    LOL Thanks Kelley, I'll send you the pics of your handy vibe work :P

    No probs Naomi, I get your meaning ;)

    PMSL Kathy and give her directions to the nearest free clinic ?

    Trish I'd probably stick the for sale sign out the front of her house lol ;)

  9. Danger Will Robinson, danger!!
    I'm like Trish. No matter how stable my relationship was, I'd be hating every minute of it and telling her to go hunting somewhere else...I KNOW my husband loves me, and I KNOW he would never cheat, but that's not the point...there are some things you just don't do and this is one of them

  10. I would suggest you and hubby discuss how you can both tackle this together on a united front but realize that he must in some way feel flattered by the attention (who wouldn't be to some extent?)Try not apportion any blame on his part.

    Hatch a plot together to indicate to your 'stalker' that you are very much a happy devoted couple. Eg - Agree that you will both find reasons to be outside at the same time. Go out when he is heading out and kiss goodbye etc. Take him a cuppa if he is outside gardening. Both agree that you will do your best to reduce the amount of time she can get to see hubby alone.

    Make it something fun that you and he are doing together :-)

    If after a while this does not work you both may have to be more blunt with her and tell her to back off!

    I am a bit of a softy I know but I would give her the benefit of the doubt first - maybe she is just lonely and friendship is all she is after - she may be as happy or happier to have that from you rather than from him?

  11. Exactly Mo!

    The Spouse is liking the idea of the smoochy love-fest Sue LOL. We'll give it a whirl ;)

  12. I knew someone would come up with the answer, genital herpes. Well, to modify slightly, next time she is around, ask you husband if he has had his penicillin and make sure he scratches in the appropriate area.