Monday, April 14, 2008

Slug Guts

Be warned !
This contains gory and grotty bits so if you have a weak stomach ...look away!


I suspect...nay, I am certain my possums have been watching late night movies and getting tips from The Godfather.
This morning I was about to walk down the back steps only to discover that where I was about to plant my not-so-dainty size 10... was a slug.
Oh and it wasn't just any old garden variety slug, oh no.
This was a slug that had had its head ripped off and left as a message on my step.
This, my friends, was the possum's way of warning me to take care of the Beaked Backyard Biatches.
Oh yes.
Since we found the possum taken out by the chooks, his comrades have been wreaking havoc on the pear tree, nibbling the fruit down to the core and leaving it so one tiny puff of wind brings the weighted missile down on the unsuspecting chickens below.
Their aim has been off though and the slug guts strewn across my step are the latest attempt at intimidating me.
Well let me tell you here and now....it's working!
After I let out a few pathetic squeals of grossed-out "ICK" and found a twig strong enough to flick the revolting innards under a tree (and completely out of my sight) I considered my options.

Possums breed faster than an elephant so I'm gonna be outnumbered pretty soon.
They will have innumerable slugs to use as weapons/ missiles/ calling cards.
Their pee stinks to high heaven and it takes only 1 of them to figure out how to climb the Hills Hoist and we're gonna be The Nekkid Tribe.
I'm not allowed to harm a hair on their purdy lil heads so the baseball bat option is out.
So is nailing their skinned hide to the shed door as a warning to others.
The chooks aren't laying eggs anymore so, in theory, I could warm them up a tad in the casserole dish.
But the chooks also keep the slug numbers - and slug guts - under control.
Damn them!
Damn them and their beady little eyes!
I shall release the hounds hens of war and let the battle begin!twisted

7 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

Simple answer...feed the slugs arsenic. Should kill two birds with one stone...unfortunately, it'll possibly kill most of your chickens as well.

LiD said...

ROFL. Speechless. Gangland possums and chooks!

The image of possums up on the clothesline letting rip is just priceless. Very, very funny post. Also a bit disturbing for the chicken ignorant.

Jayne said...

I'll leave the arsenic in your shed Brian :P

Thanks LiD :)

nomesquelife said...

ROTFL... oh mercy, mafia possums! :D Does a pellet gun really count as harm??

Jayne said...

Well I wouldn't call it harm, Naomi...more discipline for nature lol :P

nomesquelife said...

Just after leaving that comment, I headed to the bathroom for a shower... only to hear that distinctive purr/evil chuckle that possums do so well.

Crud - now the possum mafia's after ME too!

Jayne said...

I bet you were looking over your shoulder the whole time, Naomi...coz I would have been !

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