Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Growing Challenge Saga 5

As Naomi asked for a picture of my decadent gardening attire, here it is!

This is the clothing one needs to be wearing when attending to the many and varied types of pumpkin,tomato and squash that have sprung up from the compost that was liberally applied to the garden beds.

The successful gardener will give in to the bogan craving within to eradicate those pesky weeds that appear, suddenly, one day; fully formed and spreading faster than one can blink they threaten to engulf and smother one's seedlings. But after a mere hour they were no more, another pile of greenery slowly composting down into the soil once again.

The Spouse has refused to clothe himself in these garments while directing his attention to his (very healthy) herb garden. The different types of basil, thyme, parsley, sage, and mint have ignored the fashionable rules for green thumbs and positively boomed and bloomed since early Spring.

The strawberries are still, albeit on a decreasing scale, producing flowers and some fruit, although the chooks must be colour blind to the garish gardening garb as they take not a bit of notice when one does the dance of frustration as they gorge themselves on fresh strawberries - one is tempted to, sarcastically, offer them cream but they'd just as likely say yes.

If one looks carefully one might see some honest-to-goodness dirt on those Kelley-loathing shoes. These shoes were, originally, intended as gardening footwear NOT for every Tom, Dick, and Harriet to wear whilst out shopping.
These shoes have saved one's tootsies from those squishy things one does not wish to feel squishing between one's toes when wrestling an errant grapevine into shape, as one did this week.
They also save one's feet from the rather large size 14's of The Spouse when he attempts to assist one with the aforementioned grapevine.

Compost bins have been turned and mixed thoroughly this week. These need to be tossed like a salad and one may freely do so when one's torso is graced by a bogan-lovin' flannie and equally bogan-lusting croc gardening shoes.

BUT!
Be Warned!
To wear these magical garments beyond the boundary of your property will leach all power from them, leaving them simply as a grass stained, manure smelling collection of fibres one would reject from the polishing rag bag.

And here endeth the lesson on gardening and the attire worn by the successful gardener.

11 comments:

nomesquelife said...

W00t! Love the garb. Think I'll print out the 'lose all mystical power' information and hand it out to people on the street. While holding my nose :-P

Brian Hughes said...

They'd probably be more effective if you wore them on your actual feet though instead of your hands...

jeanie said...

lol - that reminds me of my birthday one year.

How? you ask, and I will respond.

My grandmother always gave me lovely stuff for presents when I was a kid, but as I grew older her tastes grew less and less towards mine, and by the time I was 22 it was a gesture to me that she would give me stuff she had thought "pretty" and I would endeavour a way of making it useful for at least a short space of time so next I spoke to her on the phone I could tell her it was appreciated.

And that is how I came to wear a floral skirt and bobble jumper to clean the fish pond in the back yard.

Now - put my mind at rest - no close neighbours or front yardage to attend, I assume?

Anja said...

Good grief, they're practical, I suppose. *shudders*

Kelley said...

Goddamnit! This is the FOURTH time today I have had to scream MY EYES MY EYES from the terror that is those bastards.

People really really hate me don't they? *sob*

Bettina said...

lmfao

many thanks for the impromptu gardening fashion lesson!

Andrew said...

You borrowed the daughter's Glasshouse shirt didn't you.

Andrew said...

And then onto the next blog to read, and what was there?
http://randombrainwave.blogspot.com/2008/05/has-anyone-noticed.html

Jayne said...

LOL Naomi.
No Brian, they're more effective when found planted in The Spouse's backside :P
Not used in the front yard, Jeanie, you may rest assured lol.
Yes Anja, as weapons of slug destruction ;)
It's allll over now, Kelley, you can peek again.
You're welcome Bettina :P
She'd scream blue murder before she wore a flannie Andrew, lol.
LOL it must be the current fashion statement for 2008!

Hilary said...

Poor Kelley. That was so cruel, Jayne, but hilarious. I have this toe allergy thing and sometimes when I get in I take off my shoes and put sandals over my tights to give my toes some air. One day I found myself out on the street kissing my grandson goodbye, thus attired.

I don't know, something made me think of Kelley.

Jayne said...

LOL Hilary. Poor Kelley is now associated with all types of footwear ;)

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