Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Food

There's a very good reason why the word "die" is in "diet".
I'm dreaming of hot, buttered toast....and baked spuds....and crispy bacon with lashings of mushrooms, tomatoes and egg.....bikkies, of any shape/description, even past their use-by date....
I think I've answered the question that's on everyone's lips -
"Can any rational human being lose weight on just soup and fruit?"
As I'm not actually rational at this moment in time I doubt that I qualify but let me share, anyway.
Yes, you can lose weight on only soup and fruit....if you ask to be put into a medically-induced coma to avoid the torment that WILL surround you.
And the wind...!
I must apologise to everyone in the southern states of Australia for the shocking gale force winds of late.
I promise the re-enactment of The Wizard of Oz will end shortly.
Just as soon as I can stomach another 30,000 gallons of soup and stewed fruit.....and shift the extra padding which looks fantabulous on polar bears but not my arse.

4 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

Speaking of wind...when my gallbladder decided to explode, I was in hospital for a week on nothing but a glass of water a day. The weight fell off...although not without a certain amount of cost to my dignity.
Seven days in and the nurse finally decided to feed me a bowl of cornflakes, just to see how it went. (Personally I blame the NHS budget cuts. The doctors were deliberately keeping me off food so they could buy themselves a new set of golf clubs each.)
Anyhow...I took one mouthful of soggy mush and it felt like a lead ballon was dropping through my intestines.
The resulting fart was unlike anything I've ever experienced before or since. No cork or bung could have prevented it (at least, not without puncturing a hole in the wall) despite a crowded ward and an extreme embarassment factor. The noise was incredible, shattering several glasses and two chamber pots.
And the blast radius! Let's just say that the bloke in the next bed was sporting a sun tan for the rest of the week.

Anonymous said...

It's hard isn't it.
Especially if you don't really like soup or fruit!
I know of a few people that have lost HEAPS on Tony Ferguson - HEAPS! I'm not kidding.
A bit expensive but with excellent results.

G
xx

Jayne said...

LOL
Oh Brian! I can picture the whole scenario!
To rub salt into the wound our CEO (who doubled as the DON) actually made us contribute to a fund to buy one of our surgeons a bloody putter with a gold plated handle.
We'd have been better to strategically position you in her office! ;)

Ooooooo thanks for that,G ;)

Goldie said...

OMGoodness, I was laughing so hard at this post and the comments! Pregnancy was the worst on me, except that one time I traveled AND ate at the home of Italian Immigrants (BEST. FOOD. EVER.) My stomach was full but also ANGRY! One the way home we got out of the car to see a memorial site and half an hour later when we got back into the car in STILL reeked! (TMI, sorry, had to share too!)

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