Sunday, November 16, 2008

Trivial History November 16

Well, the predicted rain didn't eventuate - again! - so yet another vegie patch was dug, fenced and planted.
At this rate I'll never have a spare moment to get up to any mischief!

I'm throwing you all into dirty schoolyard ditties about wee, poo, gross stuff and bums.
Enjoy!

1840 New Zealand officially cut its apron strings to NSW and became a British Colony in its own right.

Tom stood on the burning deck,
His jocks were made of cotton.
The flames whipped up his hairy legs
And burnt his big, fat bottom.

1855 Excitement gripped the Colony of Port Phillip when the tenders were issued for fencing in the Victorian Houses of Parliament with corrugated iron.
Pity they didn't retain that fence, it would have made an architectural statement.
If you were wondering (of course you were...weren't you?) Mr Thomson apparently was the lucky bloke who fenced in the pollies to the tune of  £1,320.

Beans, beans, the musical fruit,
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So eat your beans at every meal.

1864 Bushranger Ben Hall was a bloke in need of an attitude adjustment when he and his mates held up all the travellers who had the misfortune to pass their way on the Gundagai - Yass road, robbed the mail coach and killed the police sergeant Edward Parry in the storm of bullets.

Drivin' down the highway, doin' 100 K's,
Granny did the biggest fart that I'd heard for days.
Engine exploded, the car fell apart.
All because of Granny's supersonic fart!

1887 Crow Eaters in South Oz passed legislation to pay their politicians.
No! Stop! It'll only encourage the buggers to keep running for office!

Fatty and Skinny climbed a tree,
Fatty fell down the lavatory.
Skinny climbed down and pulled the chain,
So Fatty was never seen again.

1896 A woman I would have loved to chat with over morning tea and scones, Aussie author Lady Joan Lindsay ,was found in the tulip patch.

Old King Cole was a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he.
He called for a light in the middle of the night to go to the WC.
The lightning flashed, the thunder roared, the candle blew a fit.
Old King Cole fell down the hole
And came up covered in....

1901 An earthquake in The Shaky Isles did some nasty mischief to the spire of the Cathedral in Christchurch for the 3rd time.
Repairs, this time, were made in timber and copper instead of stone.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat did a piddle,
Behind the bedroom door.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
And added a few drops more.

1911 Women were let loose to vote for the very first time in Legislative Assembly elections. Yippee.

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
A thousand volts went up its bum 
And turned its wool to nylon.

1920 Another of our great Aussie children's authors, Colin Thiele, was pupped.

Little fly upon the wall,
Have you got no sense at all?
Can't you see it's just been plastered?
Now you're stuck, you silly bastard.

1920 The Queensland and Northern Territory Air Service was founded by Hudson Fysh and P.J McGinness.
The mouthful was later shortened to QANTAS.

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Came to poop but only farted.
Wasted a cent but what the hell
At least I can enjoy the smell.

1938 Waterside workers refused to load pig-iron that was bound for Japan but Pig-Iron Bob Menzies threatened them with the "Dog Collar" Transport Workers Act if they didn't return to work.

Ooey Gooey was a worm
A little worm was he.
One day upon the railway track
The train he did not see.
Ooey Gooey.

6 comments:

RVB said...

Well, the predicted rain didn't eventuate - again! - so yet another vegie patch was dug, fenced and planted.

Fear not, Jayne. My finest fleet of cotton socks are en route to the Bureau of Meteorology to lop their gonads off.

Brian Hughes said...

Mary had a little lamb,
And it was always gruntin'.
She tied it to the garden gate,
And kicked its little, no, hold on, that's a bit inappropriate.

There was a young woman from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a lake.
A man in a punt stuck his pole in the water and said 'You can't swim here it's private'.

(Actually, now that i come to think of it, that's a bit inappropriate as well. It might have only been a village school I attended, but the kids had a certain lack of decorum.)

One last try then...

Fatty and lanky went to bed,
Fatty rolled over and Lanky lay dead.

or even,

Happy birthday to you,
Squashed tomatoes in pooh,
Bread and butter in the gutter,
Happy birthday to you....slap, what have I told you, you're going home!

(That last bit was generally added by my mother.)

ELIZABETH said...

Here I sit broken hearted
Paid a dime and only farted

common comment on the stalls in the pay toilets (now demolished) in our downtown park.

Oh and we got your rain. I'd send it back if I could.

Jayne said...

LOL thanks, Reuben ;)

ROFLMAO,Brian!!!!

Lol, The old toilet graffiti was entertaining, Elizabeth :)

pure evyl said...

Love those dirty ditties.

Jayne said...

Simple but fun, Evyl ;)

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