Sunday, December 28, 2008

Kelley Killed The Beetles

Some days ago I warned everyone not to go hanging Christmas Beetles from their trees coz the beetles (just like the wrinkled Beatle Paul and That-Evil-Thing-He-Finally-Divorced) hadn't got their rumpy-pumpy freak on and, thus, didn't begat a gazillion offspring.
But did Festive Fetier listen?
Noooooooooooo. She got so caught up in the co-ordination of the season that, somehow, innocent Christmas Beetles were harmed in the decoration of her tree.
Oh, she'll tell you they crept in to adore the Awesomeness of her wrapping, decorations and Santa's egg nog.
She'll claim the Beetles were gate-crashers who'd heard about her Eton Mess via MySpace and somehow became mortally injured whilst on her property.
You'll even hear tales of how the Beetles ignored the warnings that Dung Beetles had sent out about the dangers of playing in reindeer poop and frolicking in strange ant farms.
The fact of the matter is this ; Don't be a dickhead this festive season, drive to arrive alive.
And stop eating the crispy fried Christmas Beetles.
At least, until they've got their horizontal limbo freak on....


  1. they committed suicide.


    They thought they reached Nirvana in my lounge room... and then the little bastards ended up attached to Boo's leg in a pic of awesome Christmas Cheer and now I have to learn how to use damn Photoshop to get their innards off Boo's leg in the picture.

    Die Beetes DIE!

  2. I tried hanging my Christmas beetles...until they worked out I was an atheist and complained of discrimination (which was fair enough, I might add).

  3. Kelley killed the Beetles doesn't have the same ring as "Video killed the radio star" but we'll go with the flow.

    I wasn't aware that sacrificing beetles was part of the Christmas tradition. Heh, it just gets funkier every year.

  4. If you say one was impersonating the Fat Controller Man from Thomas, I'll shout you a bottle of red, Kelley :P

    They obviously hadn't listened to enough John Lennon songs, Reuben :P

    Personally they'd have looked a treat snared in her hair but we work with what we got, Anja ;)

  5. now this one had me going WTF?? and wandering over to Kelleys to see what atrocity she had committed on the christmas beetle's arses lol

  6. It was a Baygon surface spray job, B ;)