Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Trivial History December 17

OMG!
Battle stations everyone!
There's only 2...no, 18...no, 5....no, wait it's....8 sleeps till all hell bursts forth upon our miserable heads for we are not worthy of the return of the randy, over-fed pampered antelope look-a-likes who will park their well-upholstered arses on the roof and fart down the chimney until everyone begins to hallucinate so badly they become scientific case studies for non-LSD induced flashbacks.
But the promised vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles and a lime spider will make it alllllllll seem like a bad dream.
Until next year.......

1773 Ten of the crew on Cook's ship Adventure popped ashore at Wharehunga Bay for a bite to eat and personally learnt the art of roasting fresh meat in a hangi (earth oven).
And became that bite to eat themselves.

Haven't finished the pressies yet....I wonder if the frilly Dunny Dolly has gone out of fashion...?

1843 Charlie Dickens scribblings' about Tiny Tim, the Monstrous Turkey and smelly old Ebeneezer romping about with the dead , A Christmas Carol, was first published.
Helloooo? How high did you have to set that particular Chrissy Pressie Yardstick, Dickens, and I hope the spinters don't make you wince...much.

I heard that if you take 1 size 3 crochet hook, some rubber bands, 2 paperclips and a length of fleecy material.....you've got the makings of the dregs found in the bottom of most handbags.

1858 Being drowned out by the loud snores from the public gallery the Victorian Parliament passed "An Act To Shorten The Duration of The Legislative Assembly" inflicting members of the Legislative Assembly on the public for only 3 years instead of the original 5.
And we all partied...

Can you smell that...?
It's a scent more commonly known as "fear" with a light dusting of "desperation", a swish of "panic" and the all important ingredient "shitting bricks the night before Christmas with an empty bank account and an equally empty mind to pick last minute pressies".

1924 The "any tougher and they'd rust" King Gee Clothing Company was founded in Sydney.
All bets are off....I say it's home baked when I take the packing off and re-heat the sucker in my oven.

1944 The No. 1 New Zealand Dog, Major Major, who was the mascot for the Kiwi 19th Battalion, passed away from illness and was buried with full military honours in Italy.

Kids' Red Cordial = revenge on the Neighbours From Hell is best served in a plastic cup.
With a bendy straw.
And novelty ice cubes.

1967 Harold Holt, Prime Minister and Leader of The People in The Island of Oz got distracted by a passing Chinese submarine holding a spa bath with several nekkid dugongs jellyfish and forgot to return to Cheviot Beach.

Chrissy Survival Tip # 349 -
The work Christmas Party has more drips than a Christmas candle.

14 comments:

Andrew said...

Craft presents Jayne? I dun want no macrame plant hanger or a papered over box to put my cufflinks in. Psst, I still don't have a sat nav machine.

Brian Hughes said...

"...the randy, over-fed pampered antelope look-a-likes who will park their well-upholstered arses on the roof and fart down the chimney..."

You're getting a visit from the royal family this year, Jayne?

angel gurl said...

okay so red cordial for the kids plus give them each a noisy musical instrument to take home just to ram home the point lol. Just give them said instrument as they leave your place and not before lol

Jayne said...

So a dashboard Dunny Dolly will suit you fine, Andrew ?

Yep, Liz told 'em to pull in their heads with partying and spending so they're free-loading on every peasant they can pin down with their stiletto heels, Brian.
Tip - run, run for the hills!

Absolutely, Janine! lol ;)

Anja said...

Bahahahaha... have you been painting again, woman? The beginning of this post nearly had coffee coming out of my nose.

The dregs of a woman's handbag... it's amazing what you will find in there. I cleaned out my Grandmother's handbag and it contained numerous bus tickets and a tampon. Tampon? she was 67 at the time.

nomesquelife said...

I heard that if you take 1 size 3 crochet hook, some rubber bands, 2 paperclips and a length of fleecy material.....you've got the makings of the dregs found in the bottom of most handbags.
You forgot a crumbled biscuit and an unidentified lolly which has melted and solidified (complete with biscuit crumbs) so many times it's unrecognisable!

Or is that just my handbag?

R.H. said...
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pure evyl said...

Yep, I'd call that homemade.

Jayne said...

Fabric glue, Anja.
It's great for sealing handbags permanently shut ;)

I've had the lolly in a coat pocket...for about 3 Winters before I finally turfed the fluffy thing, Nomes lol.

Would you like some eggnog and glitter with that, Robert? :P

Exactly, Evyl ;)
You may have 2nd helpings of the cheesecake now lol.

JahTeh said...

Good Heavens Jayne, you call those dregs? Half the weight of my over the shoulder bag is made of dregs.
There's a new thing on the market which is clear plastic to put all your essentials in and when you change bags, you just pop that in and away you go.
I'm pissed about this because I've been doing this with a plastic clip down packet bought at Big W for $1.50 and the other thing costs $29.95. I could have been rich.

RVB said...

But the promised vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles and a lime spider will make it alllllllll seem like a bad dream.

Especially after you have indigestion due to the artificial additives.

Jayne said...

Damn, J, there goes your fortune :(

That's why you should always use real limes and real spiders in your drinks, Reuben :P

R.H. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
R.H. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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