Monday, December 22, 2008

Trivial History December 22

Sitting here swigging hot chocolate, eating cold dim sims and mini pavlovas - and I wonder why my arse is so well-padded! - I see The Hun has dressed itself up in prim and proper Great Aunt Prunella togs and has branded Andrew O'Keefe the next Most Dreadful Person By His Drunken Actions (tsk, tsk followed by a horrified intake of breath, ladies).

1789 Black Caesar, a convict of dark skin tone not a caesar salad past its use-by date, took off into the bush....again.

Disappointingly Feral Queen didn't make her promised light-as-air scones for the party.
We may release her from the stocks in time for New Years' Eve.

1888 Poet and author Henry Lawson's literary career was born when his first short story, His Father's Mate, was printed in the Chrissy edition of The Bulletin.

The day was quite hot yesterday but the lemon tree was well-watered by the family black sheep and the gallons of Woodstock he managed to uncomplainingly filter through his kidneys.

1899 The Early Closing Act came into effect in NSW, making all shops in Sydney and Newcastle close early (?) at 6pm on four days of the week, one day at 10pm and the last day at 1pm. Shops were, generously, able to choose which days they operated at what hours.

The dogs and cats were spared the mauling of ankle biters by being locked away from the rabid little monkeys.

1911 Which Bank? was birthed.

Red cordial and cheap frozen ices were handed out when the rug-rats were seen to be tiring of the maniacal running games they played in yesterdays heat; with a quick sugar hit they were back to rushing about like mad dervishes.
They should be unconscious until 4pm today.

1916 The future NZ PM Peter Fraser was charged with sedition when he dared give an anti-conscription speech against the gutless cowards who were happy to send other boys off to slaughter and was sentenced to 12 months gaol on this day.

I see good taste has won through and Hallelujah is thrice in the UK song charts - at numbers 1, 2 and 36 - for Christmas, which is a pleasant change from Cliff Richard and I'm On A Sodding Summer Holiday with The Young Ones and All The Blow Up Dolls This Season....or whatever prattle he wheezed onto vinyl some time back last century.

1941 The Land of Oz was visited by the first United States troops to establish a base.

The Spouse invested in a digital video camera and it was in heavy use yesterday.
Several cousins may request some heavy editing of the finished product, once they sober up and remember what they got up to with the ice, the esky and the passionfruit vine....

1966 Yet another severe and widespread drought that began in 1957 and effected the whole of Oz finally eased up a tad.
One might be confused into thinking drought is the usual state of the Island of Oz for some silly reason....

The obligatory heave-ho aka chunder aka technicolour yawn was performed by a young first timer.
Sadly he doesn't yet realise he was caught by his maybe-not-so-future-mother-in-law who has asked me for the film footage to embarrass him into every shade of red known to mankind.

1970 Victorian Parliament did something so sensible I think most pollies were glad they were sitting at the time ; they passed the Motor Car Safety Act which made every Tom, Dick and Harriet behind the wheel or travelling as a passenger to get in, sit down and belt up, the first anywhere in the world to make seat-belts compulsory as of January 1st, 1971.

The men folk had their minds eased by the arrival of the Harley and were able to do their manly grunting while trying to forget that they'd just heard us describing mammograms and likening them to squashing a blokes testicles between 2 pieces of stainless steel and driving over them in a 1 tonne truck.

2001 CC aka Carbon Copy was the first cloned cat pupped.
Yes, the stench of singed Fundy Christian nasal hair is often found around blasphemous events like this.
(Is it warm in here or is Hell making me welcome already...?)

When the shadows began to lengthen and the kids were wanting entertainment of quality Feral Beast pulled out the guaranteed kid-shut-upper... The Goodies DVDs.
Pure silence for a whole hour with the kids glued to the idiot box and disbelieving parents checking to see if they were still alive.
They're oldies but they're Goodies (boom, tish, groan).

16 comments:

Anja said...

I'd have been hanging out with Feral Beast and crew. The Goodies are damn fine entertainment.

Sounds like an amusing day was had by all. :)

pure evyl said...

I can think of a lot more species of critters that I would rather clone than a cat.

RVB said...

Sitting here swigging hot chocolate, eating cold dim sims and mini pavlovas - and I wonder why my arse is so well-padded

Dim Sims? Pavlova? Mini? Cold? Arse? You're really pushing the envelope here, Jayne.

Jayne said...

It was a fun day, but I reckon you'd have been outside with us oldies telling our adult offspring about the mischief we got up to "when we were your age", Anja lol.
You reach an age where embarrassment doesn't exist ;)

Yep,I think Mother Nature has the production turn-around time on that species well covered already, Evyl ;)

Wait till I start discussing olive dips and nachos, Reuben :P

angel gurl said...

sounds like the party had a bit of everything for everyone......oh we have some store bought mini pavs in the pantry to eat over the xmas season......a normal size pav is just wasted on the two of us, its too much sweetness for us to get through. Nothing like a bit of blackmail to embarrass the hell out of a potential son in law lol

Jayne said...

Those mini pav shells are the best value for money, Janine, and far kinder to (my) hips lol ;)

RVB said...

That sounds well-scary, Jayne...and not at all egalitarian.

Jayne said...

Melted dairy produce with spicy salsa is quite yummy for poultry, Reuben :P

Lee said...

we produced the first cloned cat? That's not something that I knew at all!

Brian Hughes said...

"1911 Which Bank? was birthed."

Er...the Bide-a-wee Melbourne Sperm Bank?

R.H. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jayne said...

Sorry Lee,I should have stated it was created in USA.

And that would, correctly, make all the bank tellers tossers, Brian :P

Thank you ,Robert, I'll now pop off for a diabetic coma ;)

Andrew said...

'The men folk had their minds eased by the arrival of the Harley and were able to do their manly grunting while trying to forget that they'd just heard us describing mammograms and likening them to squashing a blokes testicles between 2 pieces of stainless steel and driving over them in a 1 tonne truck.'

Nonsense. Girls will never know what it is like to have two vulnerable orbs.

Marita said...

If I had to host 'Deal or No Deal' I'd be off my face drunk more often than not. Knew there was a reason I didn't read newspapers anymore.

miss diarist said...

Jayne, sounds like you and I had similar weekends! Party sounds like it was grand - do we score an invite next year?

Jayne said...

*Sends Andrew back to biology class to study girlie bits:P

They're good for lining the budgie cage, Marita lol.

Glad to hear you had a great weekend, MD, but I shant be posting an open invite like a certain drip did on his HisArse page :P

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