Sunday, December 28, 2008

Where has the year gone Trivial History December 29

 Welcome to yet another installment of my brain turning to mush as the year whirls past in a blur of technicolour.
Or that maybe the neighbours' rugrat high on red cordial again, I can never tell the difference...
Anyways I bring sad news; Time Team has been dropped from ABC1.
For how long, I do not know but if they don't get that River Cottage dreck off soon I shall do something drastic.
Like turn the idiot box off! a book!
There! That'll learn 'em proper, that will.

On the 4th day of Xmas my Truelove (Brendan Fraser, Carl Cox, Frank Woodley, Adam Hills and OMG I can't believe I'm about to type in Brian Mannix shoot me now and put me out of my misery for gawd's sake)
gave to me -
Madonna chained to her coffin, Tom Cruise on the Mothership, Jen permanently gagged and
Angelina forever stuck up a gum tree.

EEK! Head for the hills, the Hiltons are in town!!!

1835 Mary Gilbert was, I imagine, sitting under the shade of a gum tree swatting at the damn flies thinking,
"Why, oh why did I listen to my husband's stupid idea to trot off to the ends of the earth?" as she was pushing out the very first European bub pupped in the Port Phillip settlement; James Port Phillip Gilbert.
Obviously she listened to another of her husband's stupid ideas and the kid probably spent time in therapy moaning about his name.

1845 Just for Evyl - Texas was dressed proper and looked just right so the door bitch admitted Texas as the 28th State of the USA.

Geeze,  if Bono is nervous about a new U2 album after 4 years then Axel Rose must be totally shitting himself after 15...

1860 The first overseas military action by Aussies happened when sailors from the Victorian Colonial warship "Victoria" joined in the 2nd Anglo-Maori war at Matarikriko in NZ.

What to get the man who has everything...stuff a crocodile in his bath!

1870 Them in Sin-city (Sydney) didn't like the looks of the Yarra River so they birthed their own brewery called Toohey's.
Bagpipe arrests you when you least expect it....

1870 Legislation was passed in Victoria for MP's to be paid, ONLY on a trial basis, for their services.
Kinda like one pays a cheap crack ho.
You can draw the conclusions for yourselves....

*The Virgin Mary is a glutton for punishment; she's squeezed out another Jesus...

1908 Always remember....on a Summery Tuesday, when all were bustling about the City of Melbourne and ladies were daringly trying out the horseless carriage racing on the new Wii, a general election was held.
But no one cared.

Cruise through the celebrity trainwrecks of 2008...coz you know you'll feel sooooooooo much better when you do!

1915 Cast a few filthy looks at the Qld Parliament if you're in the general vacinity today, boys and girls, as the stuffed shirt slave drivers pollies introduced the Queensland Land Tax.

Our Nic is still having a Qantas of a year....

1993 Former child actor Todd Bridges - who played Willis on the series Diff'rent Strokes - was arrested on drugs charges.
So that's what Willis was talkin' about...!

Berlin opened a soup kitchen for pets...relax, pensioners have to prove they own a pet before they get the goods.

*Oh, yeah, I can feel the flames of Hell warming my toes as I type...


  1. "Time Team has been dropped from ABC1."

    Don't worry Jayne...I'll keep you posted on the steady retreat of Robinson's hairline, the increasing violence of Aston's sweaters, and the gradual crawl of Harding's shorts up his ever more harrowing bum crack.

  2. I always thought penicillin was for the man who had everything. Crocodile sounds good, though.

  3. We should have stayed the Republic of Texas. We would be eating high on the hog as an OPEC nation.

  4. That's what I was afraid of, Brian LOL.

    A bullet is cheaper, Anja :P

    Indeed, General Evyl, your independent nation would have garnered the respect of many ;)