Friday, January 2, 2009

Tutu Much Trivial History January Deux

The Christmas tree, baubles, beads and bling got shoved back in their respective boxes this arvo, the house has been de-festive-ised with nary a trace of tinsel peeking from the picture rail.
Although I've just spied the spray-on-snow stencils on the windows.....

1798 George Bass knew a lump of dirt from seagull poop so he was pretty sure that naming something called Wilson's Promontory would turn out ok.

On the eighth day of Christmas my Truelove (big, black rubber dildo, 4 "DD" batteries, asap, send COD, ta) gave to me -
Amy Whinehouse Winehouse actually sober (!!!!), Baz without a budget, Paris afflicted with poverty,
Ni-cole de-prived of Botox!
Madonna chained to her coffin, Tom Cruise on the Mothership, Jen permanently gagged and Angelina forver stuck up a gum tree.


1838 Having feasted upon the carrier pigeons Melbournians appointed John Conway Bourke as the feathered ones successor to hump the mail overland and meet a Sydney mailman at Yass.

Ooooooooo, came across this article and pic of Mickey Rouke and I could have sworn it was the FIL after he'd forgotten to get more botox/liposuction/full body reconstruction surgery or just a baby elephant's umbilical cord smeared on his face.
Seriously, folks.
Paper bags won't break any flat-broke actor's budget yet will save so many children from the trauma of eyeballing them!

1878 McLean Brothers & Rigg were a store in Spencer Street Melbourne that was run by clever dickie birds who knew that 2 cans on a piece of string wouldn't work around corners with trams so they slapped in a new telephone and they gabbled their hearts out to an office in Elizabeth street.
Probably pleading for more time to make the payments as they'd just had this expensive phone installed....

Oooooooookaaaaaaaay.
When one clicks on New Zealand Entertainment News, one does not expect to get any giggles, tears or epiphanies from this article.
Which - I could be very wrong - doesn't quite seem to make the grade as "entertainment news".

1896 Lancaster Park in Canterbury was forever playing hostess with the mostess especially when it staged the Australasian Amateur Athletics and Cycling Championships.
The first one to say the mouthful without keeling over in a faint was the winner.

Oh, scrumptious bit 'o' male crumpet on the loose!
I'll just pop over for a quick cuppa, ok Kelly, Janine and WS?

1938 Having also dined on their carrier pigeons at length, the first official Kiwi air-mail was flown to the USA on the "Samoan Clipper" a flying boat.

If we keep pointing out the obviously ridiculous rubbish ticketing system you have when you don't have a ticketing system that they've wasted our moolah on, surely one day some day the Victorian Govt will admit to the total balls up they've made.
Yes, I can live in hope!

1952 Late great Graeme "Shirley" Strachan, gloriously-tonsilled lead singer of Aussie band Skyhooks was pupped today in Malvern.

Some women complain when there are no fireworks during sex; this lot are complaining if there are any sparklers in the sky.


1961 The contraceptive pill was first freely flogged to the discerning Aussie chick who wasn't going to sacrifice her uterus for some one night stand who could barely write his name in yellow snow.

A sex-mad beaver is on the savage hunt for lurve.
I am soooooo not touching that one.
Not even with a bargepole.

1990 Something familiar to a few readers was the Met scratch ticket dispute, which dragged on for 5 weeks(but who was counting!) with trams blockading city streets over the driver-only operated trams proposal.
The the Public Transport Corp cut power to the trams.
And this helped to move them how....?

Ginormous platypus was roaming the Earth 65 million years ago.
Bless those pesky meteor/plagues/global climate change/ libido loss that eradicated these mothers.

2006 NZ's New Year warm, sunny climes came to an abrupt halt when squally rains and gale-force winds blew into town in southern NZ.

10 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

"Although I've just spied the spray-on-snow stencils on the windows....."

Still got real snow on mine, frozen solid. A quick wipe with a cloth won't get rid of that I'm afraid.

pure evyl said...

Sex Starved beavers can be dangerous to wild wood.

anonymum said...

So nice to see you've started the year in your own inimitable way hon..

Jayne said...

Nor mine, Brian, industrial strength paint stripper is needed here :P

There's quite a likeness between Heather Mills and those beavers, Evyl :P

As always, Moe, ta lol ;)

jeanie said...

bugger - blogger just spat all over my comment and I fear I shall never get the wit back.

It was a good comment, though. Well, for me at least.

angel gurl said...

Happy New Year, I am finally back online, gotta love a break from blogging and reading them. I meet up with friends today who said Stephen was on the ferry with his film crew. They were celebrating with a glass of vino.

As for the entertainment news I agree, the only reason I thought it could be on there as entertainment was a joke. So why did the two irishmen and kiwi climb a cliff with a hipflask of whiskey?? Who cares lol

RVB said...

I think an industrial-strength female stripper is necessary to entertain single, hopeless men like myself, Jayne.

Jayne said...

Jeanie, you've a wonderous way with words and always make me smile ;)

Could you possibly snaffle Stephen for me, pretty please, Janine? :P

Rubber gloves and ice cubes at 10 paces for you, Reuben! :P

Marita said...

Hubby is rather excited about the Wrestler movie. I've yet to watch it and see if it lives up to his hype.

Jayne said...

I think it's on The Spouses to-watch list, too, Marita lol.

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