Saturday, February 21, 2009

Spleen or foot-venting Sunday a little early due to boating on the bay tomorrow, dahhhhhhling!

Can I just say to the stupid cow who ran over my foot with her pram at Chaddy - then proceeded to call me names - Feck off back to the fecking halfwit cage you fecking escaped from, you fecking dumb knob-jockey.
Yes, I had my white cane that usually screams "Vision impaired", but when one is pushing a single pram over-loaded with 3 obesely over-weight children (intent on increasing that weight judging by the handfuls of lollies, chips and crap being shovelled into their gullets), one obviously can't see beyond the postcode they're feedingin front of them.
(I don't mind weight on young children because they can get sick so fast and drop that weight within a heartbeat and be at deaths door, and my 3 were well-fed solid little lumps.....but these kids were beyond healthy or merely over-weight. They were Obese).
Rolls of fat hanging over their pants and shoes.
I figure when there's enough fat to hang off the sides of their knees I'm pretty safe calling it as FAT.
Anyway, I digress ...well, you couldn't blame me, really, when the dumb idjit pushing the heffalump express parked the fecking thing on my fecking foot and then stood.there.laughing.at.me.while.I.fought.NOT.to.murder.the.
stupid.bitch.
When she finally shifted it her friend tried a piddly "sorry".
Myself, on the other hand.....
"YOU STUPID WOMAN!!!! YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID WOMAN".
Top of my lungs.
Reflex reaction from the pain.
Couldn't help it.
(Remember this was in the middle of the store whose name starts with a Big Red Letter, packed to the rafters on a Saturday arvo).
To which I heard,
"You're the stupid moll, ya stupid moll,"
"I BEG YOUR PARDON, YOU STUPID, STUPID WOMAN? YOU CALLED ME WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT????"
"You called me a stupid moll, I heard ya".
"I CALLED YOU A STUPID WOMAN, YOU IMBECILE, OR DO YOU NEED TO CLEAN YOUR EARS OUT TO UNDERSTAND DECENT LANGUAGE????"
(Yes, still top of my lungs. Because she deserved it now).
This obviously stumped her because we then got a broken record of whiny sing-song "But I said sorrrr-rrry" over and over and over until I shook my cane under her nose (no, I didn't use it on her, although I was sooooorely tempted, Lord!!!)
"WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, YOU STUPID, STUPID WOMAN? I'M THE ONE WHO'S CLASSED AS BLIND, WHAT'S YOU'RE DAMN EXCUSE???"
.......................*crickets chirping*..............................
.................................."But I said sorry"......................
Meanwhile the 3 offspring in the pram did not miss a beat shovelling in food, opening even more junk food bags, although the one in the back was starting to look green about the gills what with the other 2 trampling over his stomach and I know it's nasty to wish ill upon a child but if that child just happened to heave its darling little guts all over mummsy, shopping and siblings it couldn't have happened to a nicer family.
And I took my foot, with it's tyre track embedded into the skin, over to the cash register and the check-out chick made sure I was alright while she giggled at the idiot with the pram.
YES!!!
I am vindicated when check-out chicks giggle at my foes!
So there!

1867 Ho hum, another Royal Commission into clearing the Murray, another bucket of cow pats.

1902 The Kelburn cable car was flavour of the month with every man, woman AND dog flocking to get an eyefull - and a ride - on the fantastic tram.

1910 State-owned Wonthaggi coal mine yielded its first train-load of the black stuff to be tottled down the track.

1932 3AW , radio station extraordinaire (if you believe their tish rumours!) began blathering broadcasting.

1955 The first dribble of power cooked up by the Snowy Mountain Scheme was fed into the NSW electricity grid.
Ooo errr, look at them pretty lights, Gladys!

1965 Excitment gripped everyone - there was patchouli on the air, hippy's were breeding in hedges and "free love" had a lot more going for it than "free hugs"....and Christchurch had the first Pan Pacific Arts Festival.

1965 Charles Perkins led one of the "Freedom Rides" through NSW in an effort to end Aboriginal segregation.

1971 Due to the kiddies gnawing endlessly on door and window frames during travel the Cafeteria Car began filling the stomachs on The Overland rail service.

13 comments:

Marita said...

Some days I think it should be a requirement to get a license to breed... or at least push a pram.

Andrew said...

until I shook my cane under her nose (no, I didn't use it on her, although I was sooooorely tempted,

Error of judgment on your part.

I am a great one for rolling my eyes about a preceding or current customer at check out chicks and very occasionally checkout chaps. Boy do they put up with some crap. I feel for them as they are quite trapped.

Timespanner said...

That's done it, Jayne. You're officially one of my heroes. Well said, well put, well posted, I'm with ya.

Myst_72 said...

Ha ha ha!

Good on ya!

There is a little something for you over at my blog,

G
xx

Brian Hughes said...

"Feck off back to the fecking halfwit cage you fecking escaped from, you fecking dumb knob-jockey."

I'm sensing anger, possibly frustration, and a slight Irish accent.

Jayne said...

Yes, Marita!
Or to even open a condom packet!

Yes, they are and can fully appreciate a slightly unhinged customer like myself, Andrew lol.

LOL Thanks, Lisa :)

Thanks, G, I'll be over in a jiffy :)

Yes, I was channeling both Father Ted and Widdle Shamrock, Brian.

Kelley said...

He he he.

That'll reach ya to go to Chaddy.

Now you can join my band of merry injured.

Anja said...

Egads, you met what we call a "Cheryl" (and knowing my luck, you probably know a perfectly articulate Cheryl)

In Sydney, a "Cheryl" is a serial breeder with children who have names with ridiculous spelling such as 'Jaykeb' or 'Souixzan' (I kid you not)

They will be found outside the antenatal clinic, yabbering on their mobile phone, sucking down another Winfield Red with yet another bun in the oven. When you point out that it is not permissible to smoke on hospital grounds you will be told to "f*** off, ya f***ing skank"

Jayne, sweetie. What's the point of being as blind as a bat if you can't have some fun with it? You're too polite for your own good.

Jayne said...

Thank you Kelley *she says, poking at Kel's coffee cup*

But I got it in one, Anja.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID WOMAN summed her up perfectly ;)

Mistress B said...

oooo well done!!

hope the foot is better now after your boating on the bay

Jayne said...

Only had to sit on my bum on the boat, B, twas rather restful :)

miss diarist said...

Perhaps Jayne, if you told them there were free chips in the condom packet they'd have more success opening them?

Jayne said...

Oooooo MD! Can you imagine if they got salt inside the condom...?!
They'd never dip their wicks....if ONLY!

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