Friday, May 29, 2009

The post where Jayne lets it ALL hang out

Hmmm, seems a few things need to be aired as one or two people think I should just accept rude attacks by others.
I do NOT mind any disagreements or debates to what is posted on my blog but I will NOT tolerate rudeness.
Once upon a time there were two girls who lived with their father during the week and visited their mum on the weekends and sometimes during the week.
These girls wanted to live full-time with their mother but their father refused to let them go despite everyone around him telling him they were unhappy, especially with their new teenage step mother, because the father thought of them as his possessions.
The favourite punishment of the father and his new root was to kick the girls out of the car and make them run along behind it on the Calder Highway near Bendigo. The second favourite punishment was to break wooden spoons on the girls; no, not on their backsides but across their faces.
The teen step mum had her own baby when she moved in and all the yoghurt, milk, cheese, fruit, bread, etc was for her toddler only. 
Those 'naughty' girls weren't allowed any of that good stuff, only 'good' girls got good food like that.
The girls were 'lucky' their teen step mum put packets of 2 minute noodles in their lunchboxes each day for, although the teachers at school wouldn't let them borrow a bowl or hot water to cook the noodles (which the step mum knew), the girls were able to chomp their way through the tasteless dry muck.
Breakfast was a rare ocassion with the odd exception of a single weetbix brick allowed with tap water.
After school treats didn't exist unless the girls 'stole' a piece of fruit out of the fruit bowl or a piece of bread. For which they would be severely punished.
The evening meal was take away junk food 7 nights per week as the teen step mum could not/did not want to cook.
The girls were lucky if they got a single piece of pizza each or more than 1 potato cake with a child's handful of hot chips.
The girls were bullied at school due to their filthy clothes, dirty hair and strange foods. For 'some reason' they had difficulty concentrating in class and their scholastic record was dismal.
Their mother was buying them new toothbrushes and tubes of toothpaste but these were quickly confiscated by the teen step mum, as were the clothes, socks, bedclothes, jewellery, books, toys and other goodies that 'naughty' girls shouldn't have.
The father whined loudly whenever the mother insisted on the girls staying over night during the week to visit dentists or optometrists, or GP's for when they were ill. That was 'silly' as the teen step mum proved when the eldest girl had to wait 3 weeks before seeing someone at A&E for her broken finger and when the younger girl had raging Impetigo and a burst ear-drum for several weeks and as for following up on booster vaccinations or tetanus shots following injuries...! Don't be ridiculous!
See? These girls didn't need to see any doctor!
The father laughed in the mother's face when she had the older girl fitted for corrective lenses and stated he'd been told 6 months ago by the school nurse that she needed glasses but that he'd "never torment any kid into becoming a four-eyes".
In the meantime the teen step mother was breeding like a rabid rabbit; the girls were still unable to eat real food, the junk food menu continued as did the beatings, the filthy state in which they lived and their misery. At one stage the older girl had an almost-hot iron held on her arm by the teen step mum.
The girls had learned to grab any and all food available when it presented itself and hide it for later on as evidenced when formerly hot now stone cold potato chips were found tucked into the girls purses after a day out at a park with friends.
During all this the mother had REPEATEDLY contacted the relevant authorities but 'somehow' they weren't really interested. Of course the mother was just being 'paranoid' to think that the teen step mother's older sister working in the local office of the relevant authorities had anything to do with the claims being swept under the carpet.
Until the big major courtcase in the Family Court in which the mother represented herself. The father and teen step mum's lawyer loathed his own clients so much by the end of the first day he was openly helping the mother (the opposition) in presenting her case against his own client.
The judge ordered a full investigation by the local office of the relevant authorities and made the father aware of his responsibilities as a parent. The teen step mum was given a warning about feeding children with healthy food. The girls were allowed to make their own decision if they wanted to live with their mother.
The mother was quite unsurprised when the local office of the relevant authorities stated, several weeks later, that it was their decision whether to investigate or not and they decided not, despite a court-order.
And of course the abuse continued.
A particular bashing by the father, just prior to the older girl moving in with her mother, left her with concussion for weeks and recurring migraines for years but she was so frightened that he would stop her from leaving for good she begged her mother not to do anything about it.
As she said "It gets reported then the relevant authorities ring up and warn them that a complaint has been made then they just bash us even more."
And with the younger girl unable to assert her will to leave, she would be punished severely in place of the older girl.
The moment the older girl was allowed to live with her mother she was over-whelmed with the food choices - fresh fruit, vegetables, rice, pasta, HOME COOKED meals, it was too much and she continued hording food in her room because an empty stomach can gnaw painfully to keep one awake at night.
She found friends at her new school and enjoyed the atmosphere but still her midnight raids on the pantry continued. Her mother made no comment on the weight she was gaining as she'd been so painfully thin for so long it was a refreshing change to see her looking healthy and happy. Besides it was healthy weight, puppy fat the girls should have been carrying since childhood.
Plus she'd actually started to grow in height again, something which had stopped some years previously.
And, with healthy regular meals the girl actually began menstrating, much later than her peers.
The GP and specialists had talked to the girl and, due to her starvation years, she is aware that she will most likely develop osteporosis in her 40's and possibly a few other nutrition-related disorders.
Her reproductive ability has been effected as has her final height, her vision and her joints.
She now exercises at the gym to lay down more bone density to prevent further health problems and to build up her muscle strength, she eats with gusto and enjoys her healthy meals... and is almost completely whole again.
The younger girl stopped growing in height at approx. age 10 and has remained the same in weight.
She has been so brow-beaten and brainwashed she remains tied to her father's house to baby sit the many children, punished everytime she speaks on the phone to her sister or mother, works full-time in a local shop on minimal wage rates, not allowed to attend further education due to the (WASP) father believing that "only boys should study at uni and I'm not wasting money on a girl going to uni". 
She is almost 20, has only just begun to menstrate, is too frightened to move out and is called every filthy name the step mother can think of should she spend the night with friends or at her boyfriend's house.
She still misses my home-cooked Sunday roasts.


  1. hugs

    to the mother and the girls

  2. Hugs from me too. Having being involved in a similiar family situation I empathise greatly.

  3. OMG Jayne,

    (((HUGS))) Smitten kitten, Jayne and younger girl.

    I am in tears.

  4. Sweet jesus... don't know how you coped at all. I would have a very hard time remembering the law in this kind of situation, I suspect.

    Massive, massive hugs. Especially to the younger daughter. I hope her chance to grow and blossom comes soon. Really soon.

  5. Blogs aren't for abusing others. They're for sharing information, experiences, communicating. Whoever's been on at you about your rule, Jayne -- I can't agree with them.

    You're staying the right course, and you have my support.

  6. "I will NOT tolerate rudeness."

    The odd cheeky raspberry from a gnarly young British upstart, surely?

  7. Holy Cow, what a childhood!! I know these things happen, I've heard and read about them, my own husband, L, has dropped the occasional hint about his own horrific childhood, but I've never experienced cruelty on a personal level. Even the reading of it appalls (spelling?) me. How can the authorities NOT step in and remove the children to a better place, in this case their mother? It's beyond belief. Is there no way at all to convince the younger sister to move to her mother's house?
    (From the age of 4 or 5, L has memories of going to sleep at night only to be dragged out of bed later and beaten for some unknown reason. To this day he has trouble sleeping.)

  8. So sad Jayne, I'm so sorry.

    I don't reduce to tears very often reading a blog post, but this one did it for me.

    At the end of the day this is your blog and you should write whatever you darn well like!!!!!

    Love to you,


  9. Thank you so much for your heart-felt hugs and wishes, I had a little cry with my girl once it was posted.
    As Lisa (Timespanner) stated blogs are for communication, not for abusing people, and my girl has had more than her fair share already, so please excuse me that I don't turn the other cheek.

    Cheeky raspberries are always the exception, Brian ;)

  10. Totally beyond my understanding. I'd happily run the bastard over, grab the younger and make a run for it.


  11. I don't know what to say. Hugs seem so small compared to the big picture. But hugs, prayers and friendship are what I have to offer.

    My brain just can't get around the fact that such horror still occurs. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your girls.

  12. Dear god, I'm in tears... :-( Poor girls! *hugggggggggggggggggggggs*

  13. I can't deny those thoughts have crossed my mind, Elizabeth. Thanks.

    Thank you Marita and Nomes.