Sunday, June 28, 2009

The basic do's and don't's for dismantling a compost bin.

  • Don't use an old concrete incinerator as a compost bin because each and every concrete block will die a sad and miserable death from concrete cancer eventually and you'll be left with wormies and bugs writing letters of complaint to the Tenants Tribunal.
  • Do lift with your thigh muscles not your fingers tips and back.
  • Don't suddenly go all girly-girly on yourself and refuse to get up close and personal with the bajillion creepy crawlies that swarm out to welcome you to their home.
  • Don't wait until you're up to your elbows in squishy muck and think " Gee, I really ought to have changed into my gardening clothes for this."
  • Do wait until the creepy-over-the-back-fence neighbour has come out to spy on you to unearth the sloppy wet stinking pile of shyte at the very bottom of the compost to knock both you and him off your feet and every bird out of the sky.
  • Don't bother waiting or asking for the male of the household to assist in any way - he'll be even more girly-girly and sook about wanting to explore the inside of his eyelids.
  • Do attack everything in sight with the electric whipper snipper the girly-girly male of the house bought...and if his precious herb garden happens to get in the way, so be it.
  • Don't discuss your composting problems with the chooks - not only will they hold a superior position on the employment of the 'umble worm but they will actively discourage the composting of scraps for the entertainment of their good selves.
  • Do chuck a worm to the chooks every now and then to keep 'em keen.

6 comments:

Mistress B said...

now that woulda been funny had it knocked the creepy stalker neighbour out allowing you time to take incrimating pics to blackmail him with!

River said...

Forget the compost heap, chuck the scraps to the chooks, they'll reward you with lovely golden-yolked eggs AND they'll poop out nutrient rich fertiliser. If you have them in a chicken tractor, just move it on a few metres once the current area is denuded of weeds, dig over the old site, wait a week or two for the fertiliser to mature, then plant some veggies. Repeat as needed.

Jayne said...

LOL B.

LOL River, mine are feral little buggers eating everything within sight. The compost gets the stuff they can't eat like teabags, spud peelings, etc.

ELIZABETH said...

" Gee, I really ought to have changed into my gardening clothes for this."

Did they come clean?? Dad ruined many a shirt with that stunt. *laugh*

Jayne said...

I played sissy girly-girly enough to only get 3 specks on my trousers, Elizabeth lol.

Amanda said...

Bwahahaha.

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