Monday, December 14, 2009

I have a very cunning plan....

Yes, I'm channelling Baldrick (apologies to Tony Robinson).
I have a Master Plan!!!! - so masterful it requires Capitals and many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bane of everyone's life.
Invented to travel faster than the then power of transport of the day, the horse, yet today's congestion on our roads has seen the car barely travelling at a trot never mind faster than a gallop.
Melbourne streets, broad ways one could co-ordinate several intermingling Scottish Highland Country Dance festivals in without anyone treading on toes during the Dashing White Sergeant, yet bumper to bumper traffic for hours on end.
Ban them.
Ban cars from the whole of Melbourne.
You've heard this before but here's the twist in the petrol pump hose; continue widening the ban at a rate of 10kms radius per year.
At the end of 10 years there will not be a car within 100kms of Melbourne.
Gosh, you've gone pale.
Transport? I hear you mutter through white lips...
Why, yes, indeed, PUBLIC transport, the likes of trains and trams.
For every 10kms cars receed from Melbourne, the govt is to create 50kms of new railway infrastructure which includes maintenance, re-opening of old lines and stations, re-manning stations, having public transport run 24/7 to cater for shift workers, tram conductors will carry stun guns so they can quiten down the unruly knobheads whilst handing out change and people will rejoice in the streets.
Slightly cracked and in desperate need of a strait jacket?
Possibly, but this nonsense of building never-ending roads to nowhere upon which no one can afford to travel with ever-growing tolls, cars which can barely drive from side of the city to the other within a day without being stuck in traffic jams caused by road works/break downs/accidents or some knob jockey ignoring the hook turn rules and holding up everyone Can.Not.Continue.
Simply snatching sorry "compulsorily acquiring"  heritage listed properties like Westerfield - check heritage listing HERE -and carving up the remnant bushland for the Sake of The Holy Motor Vehicle is Just.Plain.WRONG.
Bulldozing through established Flora and fauna reserves again for the Sake of the Car is WRONG.
More on the destruction, useless-as-tits-on-a-bull freeways and ugliness HERE.
Cheers, Brumby-Boy, this one's for you.


  1. It amuses me that when City Link first opened, alterations were made to funnel traffic onto City Link. What a joke that now seems to be, along with City Link removing traffic congestion and cars from local roads.

  2. You want them to ban cars? Ya'dreamin'
    Petrol and road taxes are huge. Why would any government give them up? (Ditto smokes and booze)

    Not that you don't have a great idea there, but I don't see them going for it, that's all.

  3. One of the suggestions made by a committee set up to make suggestions as to how EnZed can catch up with Aussie by 2025 was a congestion tax -- taxing those who want to drive cars in the main city centres. The government nixed that idea (based, most likely, on the London experience), but I reckon they should have given it a go.

    I reckon River is right -- they'd never ban cars in Melbourne. Public transport, to planners, is just too clunky and inconvenient, and the road lobby stuffs the political donations box. But a congestion tax would be a money earner for the pollies and start discouraging the beggers at the wheel. Would they put that extra dosh into public transport, though? Excuse me while I gathering myself together from a fit of hysterical laughter ...

  4. I remember when I lived in Melbourne (in 97?) there was a total public transport strike. The whole city was in gridlock - and the rest of us walked. It was a fantastic day.