Monday, January 25, 2010

The Rules of Engagement with Wheelchairs

My weapon of choice = a 55kg wheelchair + Dad weighing in at 70kgs with myself propelling it weighing in at 95kgs, plus whatever shopping I have hanging off the back.
Your choice of defence? Your foot. Survival of the fittest.

If you choose to walk along narrow footpaths with your head inserted up your own backside and refuse to use the eyeballs planted on the front of your dial that God gave you to get out of the way of a behemoth bearing down upon you then I shall not be held responsible for injuries to imbeciles.
Think of it as "natural selection".

Your 3 wheeled pram is light, made for off-road driving and carries a light-weight passenger so you shall yield to moi and move over onto the nature-strip lest your instep become bruised.
*Unless you're the drunken junk mail delivery woman we discovered in Canterbury St, Hughesdale, sprawled across the footpath necking her bottle of home made rocket fuel shortly after Xmess, then we may give way and go around.

Councils, be warned. I shall shortly be darkening your door with wild demands of repaired footpaths and kerbing. Ridiculous expectations, I know, but I shall make my presence known and feared amidst the maintenance dept.

Lastly, I am legally blind and in charge of a wheelchair. While I may have Feral Beast to guide me it's a free-for-all should the spirit take me.
Be afraid.
Anything outrageous is usually humour and/or sarcasm.

9 comments:

Andrew said...

I may just avoid your neck of the woods for a bit then. It is not until you do something like push a chair that you realise what difficulties there are. Council will say we are aware of that and it has been scheduled for repair when the budget allows. Or, thank you for bringing to our attention. It will be scheduled for repair in the next budget. As long as they identified the problem and noted it for repair, they are off the hook.

Joan said...

Should make it a breeze to get through supermarket isles too. :-)

Brian Hughes said...

Ben Hur style blades projecting from the wheel hubs are always good for laugh in crowded shopping centres.

The Vintage Kitten said...

When you have sorted your council out can you come and shout at mine? If you decide to go to an auction, a word of warning SIT ON YOUR HANDS! The first time I went I wanted to bid on everything, I got totally caught up in the adrenalin rush and for some reason I (who is not a competetive person) found myself having to up the price by another pound just to beat the person bidding on the item too. I came back with a load of rubbish, but also some nice pieces X
P.S Be careful if you scratch your nose or your head as the auctioneer might think you are placing a bid!!! Only joking LOL!

River said...

"..wild demands of repaired footpaths and kerbing.." Yeah, good luck with that.

You could try my mum's favoured method, set up camp by the front reception desk and refuse to move until....oh wait, that might not work. She'd do that sort of thing in Centrelink and housing trust offices.

I always get out of the way of wheelchairs. I'm hoping karma will smile on me and ensure that people will get out of my way when I'm in one.

Jayne said...

LOL
You've dealt with truculent councils before, Andrew, I can tell :P

Absolutely, Joan!

I like that idea, Brian, could see many lining up for the retro-fitting :P

LOL
Thanks, VK, I'll def sit on my hands ;)

I'm sure it shall, River, but should it fail carry a big stick just in case ;)

Debby said...

*snort*

The mental pictures that accompany this post and its comments are wonderful. Just excellent. I like the 'natural selection' thing. When you've straightened out your neck of the woods, wanna send your hubby over here with his chair to weed out the poor gene pool in MY neck of the woods?

Thank you.

Debby said...

Jees. Sorry. Your dad.

Jayne said...

LOL
No worries, Debby, I'll send him round immediately ;)

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