Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Parental vent

I don't often mention my father's ill-health but the waltz through the downhill race of dementia is such an adventure.
That was sarcasm if you didn't notice.
We have incontinence aids in bulk, we have enough pads, chairs covers and bed kylies to open our own nursing home.
We also have invested shares in air fresheners with 3 automatic sprays in each room...again enough to open a nursing home.
We have gone through so many mops and laundry powder I could give you the reviews of several brands off the top of my head.
As we live with him we don't have the luxury of having a break.
Although he's needed assistance for almost 10 years he's been getting much worse at a rapid rate since his hospital stay at Xmas; we need to encourage him to eat every meal, drink fluids and to actually take his medications, not to mention the constant reminders for him to get up and walk around the house to retain use of the legs which are rapidly becoming the sort that are painted on, considering he's chauffeured about in a wheelchair when out .
He argues about everything quite aggressively, having belted me not a few times and screaming swear words at anyone who dares tell him to behave himself.
Yes, I was a nurse and yes, I do know what to expect but it doesn't make the incontinence of number one's smell any better throughout the house.
He has become incontinent of number two's, also, so excuse me if I don't feel inclined to wax lyrical about the slowness of the process to rip out the bath to install a shower so he can be washed without having to scrape him up off the floor.


  1. Wow Jayne. Your willingness to care for him when so many would have put him in a home already says a lot about your heart.

  2. Oh.
    Dear Jayne, do you have help with this? kids? Friends? Other family members?
    Now I'm going to sound awful and say I'm glad my parents died before they ever got to this stage. Cancer took both of them, in their 70's.
    {{{hugs}}} and hope you get that shower really quickly. (maybe you could run the garden hose in through the window?) *ducks* I'm kidding...I'M KIDDING!!

  3. Jayne -- You are a brave soul. How tough to care for a parent when they reach "that stage." My mother suffered from dementia for several years. We finally, during her final years, had to put her in a lovely nursing home care facility. She unbelievably seemed to adapt well to the facility and took up singing old tunes that I had never heard her sing before. This relived some of the guilt I had for having her in the home. We were fortunate to find such a place and also it was near my sister's home so she could visit often. I being further away could only make it to the home every month. In the end -- we felt we had made the right decision. Each case is an individual situation and only the family can make that decision based on circumstances. Venting helps.

  4. Yes, my dear, but when you were a nurse your shift ended and you got to go home. To a nice-smelling house, I suspect.

    I feel for you. This is hard. He's your Dad and seeing him like this can't be easy.

    Hang in there.

  5. Friggin' Hell. I know this well as I nursed my Grandma in my own house when I had toddlers and a husband (toddler number 3) to look after also.
    Nothing I say is gunna help you... nope.... just that I have been there and I know it well. Huggs huggs and more huggs.

  6. I've told hubby to shot me if I get to that stage. I COULDN'T do it and I wouldn't want to make anyone I love suffer through it on my account.

  7. Hugs honey.
    We have been through similar with Dad last year. Thankfully his brain injury has almost completely reversed now that he has a shunt. Cleaning up shit and pee whilst being sworn at is no fun for anyone :(

  8. ... that last one was me as in corymbia / Amanda. Having two blogs is starting to confuse me.

  9. Jayne, I hope someone has told you about the Fed government money towards incontinence aids, $500 but a help nontheless.

  10. So sorry I missed this post and the few that follow.

    I hope things have settled down a bit for you now, I really do.