Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Screw this crap

Am sitting here trying not to cry, dammit, cos that's what Big Girls' Blouses' do.
And I refuse to be a Big Girls' Blouse.
I'm more of the Sooky La-La mould.
Plus the fact I have to hold it together or it'll be opening the floodgates for the Feral offspring.
And I seriously could not indulge in a sniffle and try to calm him down.
I want my own little naughty corner, please miss, where I can scream and shout and say naughty words to my hearts delight.
Scratch the naughty words bit, I could teach a warfie how to swear and make a sailor blush.
Dad is so mentally off it is beyond words - literally in his case. Couldn't remember the word for cereal, claimed there was no spoon on his brekkie tray ; there probably was, he just can't focus to the point he's unable to read his beloved Hun newspaper.
And he knows it; he tries to cover up, prevaricating with silly jokes and sudden bursts of CJ Dennis/Henry Lawson or Paterson
He's swimming in more-than-slight senility and heading rapidly for the depths of dementia at a great rate of knots.
And still the doctors have nfi what is causing...well, everything.
He's off for abdo CT scans this arvo, insisting it is already evening, despite the large clock clearly visible from his bed and floor-length windows blazing sunlight right beside him, complaining that he hasn't had lunch,
"Although I couldn't eat another thing, I'm so full of that stuff you pour water over for brekkie."
"Cereal, dad?"
"Yes, that's it, tasted bloody awful, couldn't stomach that muck."
Which was only marginally better than the greeting he gave me on the phone,
"How are you, Dad?"
"Alive."
"Well, that's a good way to start the day!"
"Is it? I don't think so. Wish I hadn't woken up."
Am sitting here trying not to cry, dammit.

15 comments:

rhubarbwhine said...

So sorry to read of your pain. Hugs to you x

FOLKWAYS NOTEBOOK said...

Jayne -- my heart goes out to you -- seeing a family member or close friend so ill is so disheartening. Your father is lucky he has you there for him -- barbara

Anonymous said...

Shit, I am so sorry hon. I remember going through this with my Nan, as you know, she lived with us too and to see her decline sucked dogs balls and then some. You have heaps on your plate... okay... so... sit out the back in the Sun... put some headphones on and play some music that you like... and do not pick some melancholic song... pick a relaxing tune.. your pick.. hope that helps.
Hey... he doesnt have a UTI buggering up his mentality does he ?
Cazzie

Devi said...

*Big Squishy Huge Hugs*

This is a good place to scream and I will listen.

Love Devs Xxx

BUSH BABE said...

Oh Lord... that sounds just awful for you. My nan lived with my parents for a little while and it torn them up as she declined. The bit where they KNOW they are losing it is the hardest bit - has he been diagnosed with anything (apologies if you have posted this and I have missed it).

Hugs to you and he.
BB

BUSH BABE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Paddock said...

So very sorry. I think crying a bit is a perfectly acceptable response--healthy even.

I hope the docs find some answers for you soon.

JahTeh said...

Cazzie said it for me, UTI. Remember how crazy my mum went with an undiagnosed UTI, trying to pour milk into the weetbix box and complaining that the bowl must have a crack in it.
It's something I'll be watching when the nephew comes home after the spine op since he's had kidney problems in the past.
Crying is acceptable but not kicking the chooks.

Kiwi Nomad 2008 said...

Sorry to hear it is so bad Jayne. Scream here all you like.
They didn't do something like change his medication when he arrived in hospital did they?

LiD said...

Oh, Jayne. I am sorry you are going through this. Find somewhere to have a cry. It will help. I am hoping they will find an answer for you soon and sort this out.

River said...

Cry and scream to us all you want Jayne, that's what we're here for. To listen. and maybe to help if we can. It's really sad to see him go suddenly like this. Maybe, like the others said a UTI is behind it?

Peter said...

It's hard not to shed a tear when you see this first hand, but like you, I hold back in order to stay in control. This could be a curse rather than a blessing though, as crying can release at lot of tension. Best done alone or with someone who can relate and whose shoulder you can cry on.

When my elderly father-in-law, who stayed with us for yonks, was admitted to hospital, he too was mentally off, but came good eventually. They put it down to some infection with the high temps as the cause.

I see we have something in common when it comes to teaching a warfie a thing or to, not that I've met any lately. As for hospital food, that is enough to put anyone off from eating. Have you tried taking in some of his favourite food? May help.

Wishing your father a speedy recovery.

Take care,
Peter.

Fen said...

I too was going to suggest a UTI. I've seen so many elderly patients go completely potty having just a mild one of these.
Big hugs to you xo

Debby said...

Well, of course you need to cry. You'll feel better for it. We'll hand you tissues and pat your back. And we'll promise not to run when you begin to swear.

Annie said...

You deserve a BIG cry - go out in the garden and let the tears flow. I'm so sorry

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