Thursday, December 23, 2010

Santa, baby, recharge Rudolph before you venture out tomorrow night...

Dear Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms/Master Energy Provider;

I wish to lodge a formal complaint.

You have screwed Christmas.

I rugged my Dad up in rugs and cardigans and coats and beanies (with a hot water bottle tucked in the many folds for good measure) and out we trundled to see the lights.
Haven't you managed to piss on the passing parade this year?!

Not only are most houses in darkness - families are probably crowded together around a single candle flame to watch tv on their father's laptop which he recharges at the office during the day while the mother is trying to heat a meal with a cigarette lighter out in the yard - but the houses actually with decorations are either bright enough to be seen from Mercury or the owners are out hunting and gathering at the shops, bartering their first-born in exchange for the swing set and trampoline for the rest of the tribe for Chrissy morn.
And cannot leave their lights on, willy-nilly, for the strolling crowd to enjoy.

The bloke in Richardson St?
Darls, seriously, stringing lights is great but doing it at the last minute and IN THE FREAKING DARK while up a ladder is just plain dangerous.
Get down, grab a beer and leave it til the first crack of dawn.
Tell the missus a bulb is blown.

The house in Earlstown Rd?
The one with TWO wooden cut-out flying Baby Santa Grilled Cheezus and sleighs?
Be home tomorrow night, we're swinging by to rubber neck and critique your work.

Carlisle Cres?
Get your act together, people, it's too freaking dark for Baby Santa to find his way down the nearest sewer pipe, let alone a chimney!

Canterbury St?
Yes, YOU!
We know you have decorations up, flick the switch or we'll camp on your doorstep til you do.

Normanby St?
Some of you are letting others carry you - go out, follow the BRIGHT flashing galaxy of stars to your neighbours houses....
And take notes.
Then, unlike the govt, do not nominate a steering committee to 'look into it', just DO IT.

Camden Rd?
I've seen morgues with more life than your street!

Kangaroo Rd?
Pfft, relying on street lights for illumination is cheating.

You could all copy the mad biatch from XXXX Rd who has her house lit up in solar lights.
That is a very firm middle finger being flipped to the energy provider.


The Mad Biatch from XXXX Rd.


  1. Are there any with Santa's boots sticking out of the chimney?

  2. I haven't seen one decorated house this year. It must be the cost of the electric or perhaps I just haven't been out at night. May the days be sunny and power your lights.

  3. Feel much like Andrew -- may tbe days be sunny and power your lights -- barbara

  4. Our street (albeit incredibly tiny) has enough lights down it to keep you awake all night and melt the snow on the roofs. So much for energy conservation...

  5. No, Scott, but there was an inflatable job on a porch with Santa popping up from the chimney....then deflating and disappearing back down it again.

    Thanks, Andrew :)

    Thanks, Barbara :)
    The elctric is a bit of a bother.

    So, you're saying Heathrow should have invested in more light displays and killed two birds with one stone, Brian?

  6. HAha! Love the finger flipper - but the excesses of the previous decades are over! The new credo is let there be darkness??!!

    Seriously, thanx so much for your kind comments on my blog - and for following it in the first place! Thanx also for working your EMMM magic so I won not one, but TWO of your competitions! AND ... thanx for the Chrissy cards - they brightened my day, as does reading your blog!!

    Merry Xmas and Happy travels for 2011!!