Australia; fertile, flourishing, fecund, fruitful...and that was just the chicky-babe convicts

Somehow the air of The Fair Isle of Oz wove its magic over the new settlers and lo! the population did double overnight, it seemed.
Possibly, could it have been the fresh air, the constant exercise, the brilliant sun all delivering previously-depleted daily vitamins?
Was it the vegie crops that was the answer?
Perhaps the dining on dog, rat or crow that did it?
Was it the lack of shoes?
Who knows but, according to 'a Surgeon's Mate' in 1790...

Our births have far exceeded our burials; and what is very remarkable, women who were supposed past child-bearing, and those who had not been pregnant for fifteen or sixteen years, have lately become mothers.
The First Settlements in Select Documents in Australian History 1788-1850, (p.51) CMH Clark.

Ovarian Cancer Awareness

February is (was) Ovarian Cancer Awareness month in Australia but we need to be aware of it every day.
While breast cancer is highlighted by pink, ovarian cancer has teal blue.
Ovarian cancer does have a variety of symptoms which you should follow by downloading the Symptom Diary HERE.
There are numerous upcoming events to raise both awareness and research funds.
One noted comment during an interview on 774 radio this morning was if you have suspicions request a referral to a Gynecological Oncologist.
List of treatment facilities, by state, HERE.

Guv'ner Phillip was a public-minded public servant

Gotta love a bloke who, back in the dark ages of 1788, held the lives of fellow human beings in his hands yet opened the gates and proclaimed "Be free!!!!"

No, seriously, he got a tad stroppy on a group of convicts who were handy on the tooth and who were tea-leafing the precious food stores.
Let's hear from Arty himself....

(Phillip to Lord Sydney, 15 May, 1788)

Your Lordship will not be surprized that I have been under the necessity of assembling a Criminal Court. Six men were condemned to death. One, who was the head of the gang, was executed the same day; the others I reprieved. They are to be exiled from the settlement, and when the season permits, I intend they shall be landed near the South Cape, where, by their forming connections with the natives, some benefit may accrue to the public. These men had frequently robbed the stores and the other convicts.                       Select Documents In Australian History 1788-1850, CMH Clark (p.48).

And who was that lucky chappy who was hanged?
None other than Thomas Barrett, counterfeiter sent out for 14 years, who had turned spoons into Portuguese quarter-dollars to be passed off in Rio de Janerio on the trip out to Oz, got caught and got flogged for his effort.
But did Thomas learn?
No, he did not.

Lieut. Clark of the Marines records that right to the end Barrett did not believe he would hang. He thought that the hook-nosed little Governor was bluffing right up to the moment when Brewer tied a handkerchief round his eyes, when he turned as white as a sheet. He died without a groan, wrote Clark.
Birth of a Nation, William Joy (p.16)

Only two days after this 2 more convicts, John Freeman and a mate, were sprung red-handed with goodies in their hairy mitts, but Phillip gave 'em the old reprieve on the proviso that Freeman (oh, ironic fate in names!) become the public hangman.

"Hang or be hanged!, said Phillip.

Freeman saw the wisdom in this.
Freeman, one may assume from this peek at history, had a little more commonsense than Barrett.

February 25 ...fire engine red makes it go faster to end up washed down the back...

  
1841 In a sign that the youth of the age had nought to better themselves with Eddie John Eyre, a mere whipper-snapper at 25 yrs, strolled 1,000 miles from Adelaide to Albany in WA.

1922 Molly Joan Lamb Bobak, only female appointed as a War Artist, was pupped on this day in Vancouver.

1922 The Kiwi flick My Lady Of The Cave premiered with great fanfare at the Grand Theatre in Queen St, Auckland.

1940 In the first televised hockey match the New York Rangers beat the Montreal Canadians 6-2 at Madison Square Gardens.

1943 The NZ PoW camp at Featherstone had a mutiny by the Japanese PoWs which resulted in 48 Japanese dead, 61 wounded and 1 dead with 11 injured guards.

1961 Oh the fools!
Sydney's last tram bolted home from Rankwick after tootling about the tracks for more than 100 years.

Flinders back beach.

Yellow = New Zealand
Orange = Canada
Green = Australia
Red = usually British or other nationality
Anything in bold, italics and coloured blue is a link to another site with more info.
Anything outrageous is usually humour and/or sarcasm.

February 24...starts with a fishy tail and ends with pink fluffy fictional Aussie babies

 King Neptune.

1842 Muston's Creek Massacre took place; when six big brave white men rode up on horseback and opened fire killing 4 Indigenous women (1 pregnant) and a child, with a 5th severely wounded woman dying later.
Read more details HERE.

1870 The last lot of the 18th Royal Irish Regiment waved farewell to NZ and left the Kiwi constabulary in charge with a comprehensive list of the wars/battles and casualties HERE.
*Lisa from Timespanner had a wonderful find with an old book, For Glory and a Farm, which details the Aussies fighting in the NZ wars which answered an unspoken question of mine - that there is only one memorial in all of Oz for those who fought in NZ. Follow her link to Digger History, it's a fab read.

1875 Louis Riel was granted an amnesty by the Canadian Govt on the condition he never darkened their border with his presence ever again.

1902 Langverwacht Hill was a battle that saw 24 killed and 41 wounded from 80 NZ boys.

The 1 March 1902 issue of The Star newspaper, under the heading of ‘The Gallant Seventh’, acknowledged ‘a feeling of general sadness’. But it went on to add that ‘we can't make cakes without breaking eggs. After all, the same number might soon have filtered away, one by one, the victims of enteric. These have at least had a chance to leave a glorious name, and they have done it’.

 Vile propagandists.

1905 The Ottawa Silver Seven members won the Stanley Cup and then proceeded to boot the prize out onto the ice of the Rideau Canal.

 Gumnut Babies!!!

Yellow = New Zealand
Orange = Canada
Green = Australia
Red = usually British or other nationality
Anything in bold, italics and coloured blue is a link to another site with more info.
Anything outrageous is usually humour and/or sarcasm.

February 23 the no frills version

1971 The first university group of Campus CAMP was established at Sydney Uni.

1987 First mobile phone call was made in Oz...via a brick.

1990 A report was unleashed upon the public outlining how The State Bank of Victoria had made a loss of $1.345 billion, which was a large-ish sum back in the old days, boys and girls.
Which is why Victoria no longer has a State Bank.

Am tired, will perform song and dance for you all as soon as my leotard and whip are back from the dry cleaners.

Oz history myths exploded...part one of many parts depending on how many miffed people get indignant!

Yes, you may debate and argue the toss on any of the following.

#1. John Macarthur created the Merino sheep breed.
No, he did not.
He may have outlined what he wanted to achieve by cross-breeding the Spanish Merino with a Saxon sheep but he was so busy quarreling with every man and his dog John was twice exiled back in England leaving his missus, Elizabeth, to do the work.
Several years before his death John was declared insane, removed from the Legislative Council by Gov Bourke and, according to one report, locked up in his library.
Further details HERE.

#2. Australia created the Pavlova.
No, we did not.
It was first created in 1926 by a chef in a NZ hotel who was moved by Anna Pavlova's performance in Swan Lake.
It was also printed in several Kiwi recipe books and mags some years before the Aussie chef is purported to have created it.
Facts detailed by NZ food historian HERE.

#3. Convicts were poor put-upon people.
Err, sorry to burst the bubble but, not so poor and they helped stir the birth of trade unions in Oz.
Not only were they on a 'go slow' to decrease the actual work they did during unpaid govt work hours but as laws determined the hours convicts could be employed on govt work it left the convict able to negotiate privately with land-owners for wages for the rest of the day. Many convicts were able to compete with free men in the employment market and were fed well (In Union is Strength; History of Trade Unions in Australia 1788-1974, Ian Turner, 1976, pp12-13).

'They thrashed seamen they caught straying near the women's quarters and bundled them back to their ships' (Birth of a Nation, William Joy, 1962, p17).

This is one (perhaps the true) reason behind the demand for a cessation to convict transportation.
Further facts HERE.

#4. Harry Houdini piloted the first aeroplane in Australia.
No, he did not.
On December 5, 1909 George Taylor flew the first heavier than air machine at Narrabeen.
December 9, 1909 Colin Defries flew the first powered heavier than air machine.
March 18, 1910 Harry Houdini flew the first controlled powered flight of an aeroplane.

#5. Russell Crowe is an Aussie.
No.
Like Phar Lap he was pupped in NZ then crossed the ditch for work.
Please feel free to take him back home again.....

They do not represent the majority of Aussies but I would like to apologise for their purile behaviour

I would like to whole-heartedly apologise on behalf of two of the most incredibly juvenile neanderthals to grace prime time television in Australia.
I will not refer to the two 'Olympic commentators' by name, suffice to say there has been plenty of  fury and disgust at their stupid comments without giving them more free publicity.
One particular commentator was quick to leap upon the bandwagon to castigate the Hey Hey producers for allowing the black face skit to go to air last year.
How can he not see that his words/phrases are equally offensive and just as damaging to the LGBT community he once feted so far as to claim that 'his' football club was 'ready for gay players'?
Can't see any players willing to 'come out' with that type of vilifying 'humour' on tap at the top.But I would like to thank everyone who has spoken up against them to make it very clear that homophobic remarks on the international sporting stage is Just.Not.Acceptable.
Not in 2010.
Not when they represent our country.
Not at any time.
And most certainly NOT when homophobic, insecure fucktards believe these type of comments sanction their own vicious behaviour towards those in the LGBT community.
A presenter on JOY radio suggested that these two commentators in question should perhaps be made to read some victim impact statements, visit some people in hospital/ rehab recovering from being bashed, maybe speak to the loved ones and families of those who are no longer with us due to morons who voiced the same type of homophobic comments but attached more savagery than schoolboy sniggers to their words.
Maybe they should donate their time and money to gay youth suicide prevention.
But there's no maybe about the fact they need to stop passing these disgusting remarks on national tv.
It's.Just.NOT.Funny.

And now, some tears before bedtime...

Yes, Peter Berner may be having a show of his artwork up Woop Woop somewhere but he will no longer be hosting The Einstein Factor as Aunty declined to continue penning in her dance card for that particular waltz.
*sigh*
How ever will I survive without watching someone answer a squillion questions on the making of the ipod in 1654 with a bonus round of how many sets of false teeth bit Henry VIII on his throne?

*trots off to drool over the latest Cath Kidston delectable goodies*

Oh crafty temptress

Spotlight, my home away from home, the delightfully scrumptious store filled to the brim with yarns and cottons and materials and Every.Little.Sparkly thing a gal desires to glue/sew/knit/crochet/ hell, even nail-gun together to make a pretty.
Thy art and craft temptress hath waved yet more bait beneath my nose, this time a mega huge sale and filled my inbox with messages TRUMPETING the delicious goodies on offer.
Yet not enough thine seductress doth snail-mail me a VOUCHER to do much damage with!
YES!
My strength did waver at the sight of it but I prevailed!
I tucked it into a book.
And I'm sure I left the book just ....over........here, somewhere.......
OMG OMG OMG I've got to find the voucher.....!

Blerch

We shall resume bleating and blathering at a great rate of knots as soon as I've finished burying certain uni lecturers in the vegie patch dealing with half-wits let loose on innocent enquiring minds venting my spleen at a bloke who'll be thankful there's a whole state between us.
Isn't it just splendid weather we're having at the moment?
Doctor Who part deaux next Sunday woot!
Final ep of The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency tonight boo.
Rumous has it that Spicks and Specks are doing a special show theme-based on a certain successful Oz musical recently turned into a bran nue film.
Extra WOOT!

Evolution of Oz history Part 1

Have been having an enjoyable discussion over on The Resident Judge of Port Phillip blog.
Discussion, not argument, merrily tossing about suggestions and ideas for possible 'unofficial' censorship or self-censorship of and by historians in the past.
But why self-censorship?
Australian history was only recognised as a university-worthy subject (or rather one that had matured sufficiently) in the 1930s. Prior to this the British Empire history (including the American Revolution, British India, etc) in all her glory was served on a platter with not a hint that Oz existed from 1862 in Melbourne and Sydney Uni's until 1930s when the subject of Oz history began to grow.
Which is in part thanks to Sir Stephen Roberts; he was a pioneer in historic Oz research, he was offered the Vice-Chancellor chair at Sydney Uni at the start of the Great Depression yet he still managed to publish 6 books (4 on the new-ish Australian History) within the following 8 years.
Let's weigh this up - Great Depression, not a brass razoo to be had anywhere so this bloke knows which side his bread is buttered on. Amazingly 6 books got published in a time when kids were going hungry and barefoot and when Oz history was thought to be still new beside British and American history.
Historians have had a long pattern for aping their peers and regurgitating the same information so while Roberts may have been a trail-blazer and set the standard for research, publishing and subsequently promoting the subject of Oz history following historians did not make any great dints in the wealth of evidence and information offered to them.
In 1938 Aboriginal People declared the first Day of Mourning, while some had voting rights they were discouraged from doing so, mainstream media used the then-accepted racist terms,  some schools were still excluding Indigenous children, education was not seen as a priority for Aboriginal People, White Australia policy was in effect, it wasn't that long after court cases heard the guilt or otherwise of white men murdering Aboriginal People (with Indigenous People declared unreliable witnesses) etc.
That is the world in which Roberts (and later historians) was publishing his work, during a financial crisis far greater than the current one; he is not likely to have challenged accepted public opinions, so entrenched and planted by the media, or his peers' work outright else he would not have had anything published. Unofficial censorship, of the self-determining kind was most likely; keeping his head down below the parapet but having sly pot shots now and then in his works.
By this time some of Oz history had had the 'white wash' applied, making it more palatable to some sectors of society which would have stuck in Roberts' throat as he belonged to a group of historians that frowned upon romanticising history, hence the cheeky pot shots.

Aborigines attend schools
http://newspapers.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/2721206.

Aboriginal Children; Objection to presence at school
http://newspapers.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/4015795. 

The Colour Line at School
http://newspapers.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/5425228.

Coloured Children in Schools
http://newspapers.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/4943861.


Reynolds, H, 1999, Why weren't we told?. p.90.
Christie, M.F, 1979, Aborigines in Colonial Victoria 1835-1886 p.93-94.

On the trot...gallop....over the water hazard and into the straight....

Have a bajillion appointments of every man and his dog coming to do stuff to the house for Dad so we escaped and did a runner (actually it was closer to a power walk for me while he merely sat in his wheelchair) down to Murrumbeena then Carnegie, do-se-doed around Spotlight (gave in and bought some of the uber-gorgeous $1 balls of yarn) then we bolted up Dandenong Rd where we huffed and puffed up the great bloody hill (while all of you miserable buggers sailed past in cars gawking at the weird chick who used her legs, ha! Why, yes, I was poking my tongue out at you, you noticed?) til we reached Chaddy (oh, evil temptress) where we chucked a right and scooted down Poath Rd through Hughesdale then up the railway path to Oakleigh and staggered through the door and screeched for a lemonade.
Actually, that's the G rated version, what Dad really said when he strolled in was "Charming walk" while I collapsed on the floor promising to severely critique everyone under the roof if they didn't IMMEDIATELY pour a gallon of something wet down my throat and, no, battery acid didn't count.
So, that's my excuse why there's no history blather today.
Or tomorrow.
Cos my legs are twanging...yes, yes, you can hear them from there.
Even my dog sits up and starts whining at me when they twang. She's living in hope that she's in line for the biggest bone ever to gnaw on.
And I'm off to the land of Nod, so hoo-roo, tie me kangaroo down, sport unless you'd rather a pox-ridden kookaburra in the old gum tree, screwing all the dead birds he can see? Stop! kookaburra, Stop! That one's got VD.
Miranda!
Wait, Miranda!
Don't go up there, Miranda....
Was the damn dirty kookaburra and stuffed koala in cahoots with Phar Lap and Dick Francis.
In the words of Alan Alda..."You can't stuff Grandma".
Good night!

Feb 14 and the only gushing lurve 'round these parts is history

Have been tracing another squillion lines of the family tree; am currently back in Bavarian forests with Huguenots in France, very minor nobility in Palatine, Pennsylvanian Dutch in Pennsylvania, Canucks in Ontario, an Amish connection thrown in for artistic measure, Scots immigrants from Jedburgh, Roxburghshire (back on familiar turf there) and every bugger under the sun thought it wise to change either the spelling or entire name each time they upped sticks.
Yep, it's keeping me out of mischief!

Post pillar in Carnegie.

Got to admire those big enough to admit when they've gone feral.

Watercolour Society of Victoria.

These small inspection plates are few and far between these days but back when plumbers were thrilled to connect a flash inside loo they were able to advertise their business when ordering these plates for any new buildings where they'd completed work.

This one is on Koornang Rd, Carnegie shopping strip.

Toll Gates plaque, on Dandenong Rd, Carnegie.

It reads;

Toll gates with the toll-keeper's houses were erected on Dandenong Rd in 1864 on Breakneck Rd (later Waverley Rd) in 1866 and at this site in 1868. The toll was expensive; variously 6 pence or 12 pence per passage. Traffic was heavy, one Dandenong Rd gate collected  £1235 ($2470) in 1870. Tolls, like any tax, were never popular, were regularly avoided or grudgingly surrendered. Toll keepers, too, were the frequent butt of practical jokes, but the extent of road use demonstrates their importance to the community.

Old and new bits of St Peter's in East Melbourne.

I'm not ordinarily a fan of modern architecture but this has really impressed me; the width size was (approx.) barely 3 metres wide yet they've managed to work this stunning building in a marked manner while not clashing with surrounding architectural styles.

Old cable tram shed, City Rd, Sth Melb.

 

Just able to see the old doors in through which the cable trams once walted.

For those who are obsessed dedicated to Egypt and all things Mummy you can pop over to this site HERE to play a new game to try to build a pyramid.
Go on, you know you wanna show off your bajillion year old building skills.

For those who lurve and want to save Georgian architecture there is The Georgian Group with their blog found HERE.
For those located in London or UK The Georgian Group is currently giving away free membership for a year if you follow them on Twitter (see, the demon-inspired social networking infernal creation does have its good points!).
More HERE.

Thank you , Canada.

Your opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics rocked.
I missed a bit (dodgy pie, let's not go there) but laid out flat on the couch I was spell-bound by the display put on for the world.
The Feral Beast and my 86 yr old Dad have fallen in love with k.d Lang; Dad was so moved by her rendition of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah he asked if we could get any of her CD's.
I've fallen in love with her golden tonsils all over again, (dare I say it?) she sounds even better than years ago, she made the song effortless and pure.
And doesn't she make a white suit THE thing to be seen in!
The slam poet was damn good; loved that he made the point "From A to Zed...yes, we say Zed not Zee" which drew a huge round of cheers and applause from the audience (and from moi on the sick bed).
The River dancing, leather pants teamed with kilts and Celtic tats on bare chests, wild violins and fiddles with Satan in a boat throwing out the challenge ( no, not wild hallucinations from the pie...at least, I don't think they were....) the fabulous imagery with the aerial artists swooping and flying all over the stadium was superb.
And, so the 4th column didn't work for the torch.
Y'know what?
You all handled the minor hiccup with such laid-back ease we wouldn't have even known except the Aussie commentator couldn't help himself and blab the mishap, but no biggie.
We were watching for the magic and hospitality you so successfully delivered to us all.
Thanks!

Feb 12 we gots us a biggun an' it's not a turnip, m'Lord Blackadder

Took Feral Beast to his first orchestral concert in the Melbourne Town Hall last night.
LOVED it!
He is heartily and happily hooked on the orchestra, has been for some years now, but last night was his introduction to the Melbourne Town Hall and Orchestra Victoria.
The conductor, Benjamin Northey, looks like a long lost sibling of Andy Muirhead but also has a very generous soul; he played up to the audience, wore the biggest grin when conducting Harold Fabrikant on the Melbourne Town Hall organ (yes, we boast a large organ, that is why we smile a lot, why do you ask?) during Rheinberger's Organ concerto taking obvious delight in the talent before him and insisted on each orchestra member stand to accept the almost non-stop applause.
Now, enough of this blather...

1880 After having been used since July 1875 someone thought t'would be ideal to officially open the Sydney Town Hall.
1909 The white dolphin Pelorous Jack did not guide the ferry SS Penguin to safety through the Cook Strait and it was thus wrecked at Cape Terawhiti with 75 lives lost.
1915 Born in Ottawa on this day we would never have known Bonanza without Lorne Greene.
1930 The Spencer Street Bridge in Melbourne was officially opened.
1976 The Paekakariki Express aka Christian Cullen, former New Zealand Rugby Union Footballer, was pupped.
1994 Reverend Victoria Matthews was consecrated as the first chicky babe Bishop in the Anglican Church of Canada.

Yellow = New Zealand
Orange = Canada
Green = Australia
Red = usually British or other nationality
Anything in bold, italics and coloured blue is a link to another site with more info.
Anything outrageous is usually humour and/or sarcasm.

Calling all Aussies and Kiwis...Late notice Shrine lecture by Erica Myers-Davis

Just received an email to alert me to a new talk next Tuesday at The Shrine of Remembrance in Melbourne but I shall be unable to attend due to umpteen appointments.
Erica Myers-Davis will give a talk on her new book Under One Flag which

"tells of the service of Indigenous and Ethnic peoples of the Commonwealth in the Second World War. Stories include Australia’s only Aboriginal fighter pilot, Indigenous battalions like New Zealand’s 28^th (Maori) Battalion and the Pacific Island’s South Pacific Scouts."

Further details of the book HERE and HERE.
Under One Flag Tuesday 16th February 2010 , 1pm.
Bookings essential.
All public lectures at the Shrine are free, gold coin donation encouraged.

*Some lectures will become available via podcast, subscribe to the website for updates HERE.

Roland Perry The Australian Light Horse Buy The Book!

Went in to the Shrine of Remembrance to listen to a talk from author Roland Perry about his book The Australian Light Horse.
I'm surprised the book hasn't caused more of a stir than it has owing to the fact he has extensively researched impeccable resources and brought to light some hidden truths of WW1 not to mention exploded a few popular myths so you'd best read the book.
Beersheba was not the last Light Horse charge, Lawrence of Arabia did not take Damascus, and more besides (read the book!).
Suffice to say the Aussies were gipped of a few official nods of approval on the world stage as it was not politically suitable for the Aussies to get the guernsey when the Brits wanted control of more land in the Middle East so the Arabs were placed in officially 'taking' several Turkish-held towns leaving them in a position to demand to be under Brit rule, rather than Britain having to splice the whole land mass up with France.
Comprende?
Read the book!
Lawrence was given to gilding the lily, he was a spy, similar to James Bonds' M. He cultivated the Arabs into his hand, the movie is pure tosh.
Read the book!
Anyways Dad had a ball, really enjoyed the talk, Feral Beast thanked the author and I kicked myself as they sold out the last copy of the book.
Off to tres evil Chaddy tomorrow to Buy The Book!

Telly moves

What?!
What has the ABC done with The Einstein Factor?????
Sunday 6.30pm is now....Collectors...?!
But...but..but...noooooooooooo.
Collectors lives on Friday nights at 8pm as lead-in to the movie of the night.
It Always Has Done (and must continue to do so or the world will cease to exist as we know it).
Where is Peter Berner hiding? I'd suggest the ABC wardrobe or canteen but knowing that Aunty runs on our 8 cents per day she doesn't quite stretch to more than a pie in plastic wrapping and a cheap wig from the discount store.
So....last night we slipped into Collectors, tootled about Bendigo and the National Bendigo Swap Meet (it's completely INSANE. Brilliant, but insane!).
Then we popped over to UKTV to amble down the lane with the geriatric delinquents in Last of The Summer Wine where we quickly side-stepped the oh-so-tempting town of Ashfordly in Heartbeat that was coming up behind the former Captain Peacock et el and popped over to Talkin' About Your Generation.
Which I missed entirely as Feral Beast had a conniption over the essay he was trying to finish and I had to promptly begin speaking in Swahili and practice the laying on of the hands  aka wiping the fevered forehead down with a cold washer before he burst a phoofer valve or something.
Then, with a lack of anything decent we hop, skipped and jumped back over to UKTV to roam at will about the deadliest patch on Britiah telly...Midsomer.
Yes, Barnaby and Jones took us on a tour of Skivvington where the chicky babes were raving feminists, the vicar was gay, the old ducks not so gay but very meddling and brandy was laced with Nasty Things.
All in all a grand night with our hot, sweaty arses parked in front of the idiot box.
Although....question, to all my UK readers....
Coronation Street?
BIG ads for "Lucky Beccy and Steve" getting hitched....with the obligatory cat's bum face being pulled by one old slapper.
Who is Beccy?
Why does she need all the luck to make it to the church on time?
But what I'm most confuzzled about is....why is Red Dwarf's Lister spray painting Good Luck on the back of a car and WHAT the heck happened to his hair???

Bushfires, over-reacting or too complacent?

Some are saying we're over-reacting to what was a one-off event that was the horrific Black Saturday bushfires.
Not a one-off event if you look at our history of bushfires it wasn't.
So, does this mean we're over-reacting or just too complacent or perhaps too ignorant to learn from our bushfire history?
*NB These are only the fires that occurred in Victoria, not the many thousands through the rest of Oz.

• Black Thursday, 6 Feb, 1851. 5 million hectares burnt, 12 dead.
• Black Monday, 27th Feb, 1865. Line of fire from Geelong to Ballarat, with more at Daylesford.
• Red Tuesday , 1 Feb, 1898. 260,000 hectares burnt. 12 dead.
• 1912. Fires stretched from Gippsland to the Grampians.
• 1914. 100,000 hectares burnt.
• 1919 Otway Ranges suffered extensive fires.
• Black Sunday Feb-March 1926. Fires through Gippsland, Noojee, Kinglake, Dandenongs. 60 dead.
• 1932  Dec 21,1931 - Feb 6, 1932. 307 fires through Vic, 206,000 hectares burnt, 9 dead.
• Black Friday 13 Jan, 1939.2 million hectares burnt, 71 dead.
• 1943 10 dead in fires near Wangaratta.
• 1944 1 million hectares, 32 dead, including 50 houses in Beaumaris and Mentone.
• 1952 10 dead.
• 1962 14-16 Jan. North and east of Melb, Dandenong Ranges, 33 dead.
• 1965 Feb 21. 300,000 hectares burnt in Gippsland.
•         Jan 17, 7 dead at Longwood.
• 1968 Feb 19 , 53 houses burnt in Dandenongs.
• 1969 Jan 8, fires through Lara, Dulgana, Yea, Darraweit, Kangaroo Flat, Korongvale. 23 dead.
• 1972 Dec 14, 7,400 hectares burnt Mt Buffalo.
• 1977 Feb 12. Fires throughout Western District, town of Streatham almost destroyed. 5 dead.
• 1980 Dec 28 - Jan 6, 1981. 119,000 hectares burnt in Sunset Country and Big Desert.
• 1983 Jan 31. Cann River 250,000 hectares burnt.
•         Feb 1. 8,000 hectares burnt Mt Macedon.
• Ash Wednesday 16 Feb, 1983. 420,000 hectares burnt, 75 dead.
• 1985 Jan 14 Central Vic 51,000 hectares burnt, 3 dead.
• 1997 Jan 21. 400 hectares burnt, 3 dead, Gippsland, Dandenong Ranges, Eildon, Creswick.
• 1997-1998 Dec 31 -Jan 9. 32,000 hectares burnt Alpine National Park.
• Linton Bushfire Dec 2, 1998. 660 hectares burnt. CFA crew caught in fire, 5 dead.
• 2002 Dec. 181,400 hectares burnt in Big Desert and Wyperfield National Parks.
• 2003 8 Jan-8 March Eastern Vic Alpine fires.1.3 million hectares burnt.
• 2005. Jan. 160,000 hectares burnt Stawell, Grampians, Yea, Kinglake, 4 dead.
• The Great Divide fires. 1 Dec 2006 -7 Feb 2007. 1,048,000 hectares burnt, 1,400 fireys injured.
• Black Saturday, 7th Feb 2009. 173 dead. 411,239 hectares burnt. Whole towns destroyed.

Feb 6 hangs low with O'Leary's balls....

For a lovely rendition of today's dirty ditty "O'Leary's Balls" please click HERE.

1791 Guv Arty Phillips changed the name of Rose Hill to that of the Indigenous name of the area, Parramatta.

1837 On the site of Canada's Parliament Buildings actors inside the British garrison staged the first play called The Village Lawyer.

1840 Lt-Guv Billy Hobson signed the Treaty of Waitangi with Maori chiefs.

1851 The Black Thursday bushfires around Melbourne claimed 6 lives when the shade temperature at Mt Gambier reached 47 C.

1894 Those in Ontario were a just a tad savage on the demon drink, voting to bring in prohibition in a local referendum.

1901 Talented painter Frances Hodgkins farewelled NZ for Europe where she met Dorothy Kate Richmond.

1956 The very first automatic boom gates went into operation in Toorak Road, Tooronga.
Wish 'em a happy birthday as you crawl past in the traffic jam today, boys and girls!

1975 Please be seated for the next trivial gibblet...
Alberta govt slashed personal income tax by 28% making Albertans the lowest taxed Canucks.
Yes, you read that right..a govt that DECREASED income tax.

1981 During the Waitangi celebrations in Wellington 30 lesbians carried the protest banner "Lesbians Oppose Racism".

Friday Feb Five fully fruity, frank, fresh, filthy and foul.

Some more smut.
But, remember; it's quality smut.

The sexual life of a camel
Is greater than anyone thinks
At the height of the mating season
He tries to get up the sphinx
But the sphinx's posterior passage
Is blocked by the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx's mysterious smile

1893 Exploring the subject on crap a little longer...the good people of Melbourne were rejoicing with great jocularity in the streets when they were connected to a sewerage system.

1954 The Queen Elizabeth Islands in the North West Territories were named after Queen Liz.

In lurve....

1980 Codename Intrepid aka Sir William Stephenson, master spy, inventor, inspiration for James Bond, was honoured with The Order of Canada on this day.
Read some fab details on the fascinating chap HERE.

1996 NZ's first LGBT news programme, Express Report, later known as Out There, began.

Old look-out tower on original Eastern Hill Fire Brigade, Melbourne.

2005 The Federal Govt released the Welcome to Country guide for strangers to learn more about the many Indigenous Peoples of Oz.

 

 Polly Woodside.

2006 Hawke's Bay was not quite rockin' all over the world but it was rocking to the 4.4 sized earthquake that made itself known at 1.29pm.

Something something opposite St Pat's cathedral.

Last one...major supermarkets flogging Granny Smiths, Packham Pears @ $4.95 kg.

HA!

Carnegie fruit shop (in the arcade on the Rosstown Pub side of Koornang Rd)  letting them go @ $1.49 kg.

In.Your.Face big conglomerate!

Warning - following post is full of gross, ewwwwy, chunder-worthy stuff

OK, now that you've been sufficiently warned sit back grab a cuppa and enjoy.
Or not.

One nursing home I worked at admitted an old duck we'd often had in for respite care.
Now, there's a world of difference of info that the family give to those temporarily caring for their elderly loved one and those who have her 24/7 forever.
While the old girl had been in during respite there'd never been an issue with her many and varied visitors but once she lived there the whole sordid story came out; distant male rellie, slightly deranged who believed the old girl was Mother Earth and must be worshipped...and...and...*gag* mated with to continue the human race.
Yes, you may leave the room to chunder.
Please have one for me.
I'll refrain from sharing the really nitty gritty revolting details the family off-loaded to us, suffice to say the intervention order was happily extended to the elderly lady's new home and we were constantly monitoring her visitors forever after.

Drink enough coffee and you'll not only have the shakes but you'll have the shits.
Old fashioned coffee enemas were used to shift the most stubborn constipation as it's an excellent bowel irritant.
If we couldn't get it in one end, we'd get it in another.

Big FAIL to Woolies who claimed on the news they had equal pricing across their stores in all suburbs.
Nail polish clearance item in Oakleigh $2.80 while the Carnegie store has the very same clearance item but for $5.96.
By my reckoning that's more than DOUBLE the "clearance" price.

Leeches are big in medicine again as are maggots; ulcerated sores that fail to heal are soon cleaned up with a white little squirmy critter noming away at the dead flesh.
But still, that's no excuse for some nursing homes in the 90's to have residents with gangrenous feet being cleaned up by maggots.
Bucket thataway.............................>>>>>

If Metro doesn't get those air-con units operating properly it could be the end of the civilised world; in these muggy, humid conditions the air-con is the only thing standing between us and the foot-eating tinea fungus harvested by the great unwashed from taking over the world and leaving us all legless.

Then there was the bloke humping his missus in the bed on the maternity ward barely hours after she'd had a difficult delivery of their 77th sprog (or so it seemed).
He got quite mouthy at the nurses when they interrupted.

Mind you, he wasn't nearly as bad as the dirty old bastard in one nursing home who worked his way through all the chicky-babe residents who couldn't ambulate independently (that means run away).

Flo-bloody-Nightingale has a lot to answer for; first and foremost being the implementation of the frigging call bell for every patient.
If I heard one bell, I heard a bajillion of them.
No wonder we nurses suffer from Tinnitus (that's ringing in the ears for the more obtuse among you, what we call 'a pun').

Every hosp/nursing home seems to evolve an obligatory "Bowel Queen", usually a night nurse obsessed with the bowel habits of the patients/residents and who firmly believes that she, and ONLY she, is capable of shifting that backed up pile of shit.
But, you see, by the time the bowel prep works it is hours later usually on the morning shift after the patient/resident has been showered, dressed and settled for the day's activities when WHOOSH their arse explodes and shit really does hit the fan...and the floor, the walls, the bedside locker, the light switch and they get and extra 10 Brownie points if they manage to score the light over the back of the bed.
Bowel Queens...they really do give everyone the shits.

Princess Di's oh-so-wonderful 'colonic irrigation?
Garden variety bowel wash out (no, garden hoses are not the weapon of choice!).
Probably so she could say her shit didn't stink.

Yes, I care for my father at home.
I have done so for years.
Yes, he is doubly incontinent.
No, I'm not kind, caring and patient because I was trained as a nurse and the next person to make that claim will have the bed pan shoved up their date.
See? I'm all for the warm fuzzy stuff....just in very small doses and to those who deserve it *snort*.

More smutty sing-a-longs to terrify the youngsters into therapy for life

 After yesterday's overwhelming applause for Dad's smutty song I thought I'd give you the chorus of The Bastard King of England.

He was lousy and dirty and covered in fleas,
The hair on his balls hung down to his knees,
And he had his women in twos and threes.
God bless the Bastard King of England.

1885 Canada's first chicky babe senator, Cairine Wilson, was delivered by the stork in Montreal.
For full bio (and lovely portrait) click HERE.

1971 The Great Moscow Circus performed in NZ for the first time in North Hagley Park until the 14th.

1976 The Nova Scotia Supreme Court ruled that the province did not have the power or the right to censor motion pictures.
So HA! Take that!

1985 The Waitangi Tribunal were given the authority to hear grievances arising since 1840 of traditional Maori land being illegally grabbed.

1993 The then Vic Govt reached a compromise with trammies to keep services the govt were threatening to close but lose the conductors on the trams.
See, boys and girls, politics are all a game of bluff and counter-bluff (with the occasional act of savagery to keep people guessing); find your opponents' thing they value the most which is called their Achilles's Heel, put it under threat and the world is then your oyster.
Here endeth the lesson in future world domination.

1997 The then Gov-Gen Sir William Deane launched the report 'The Health and Well Being of Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples'.
Which, if today is anything to go by, would make for shameful reading.

Do you dangle or jiggle your ding-dong?

In Vic politics on this day....a Premier was pupped, one popped his clogs, dissolution of 11th Parliament *yawn*.
In more thrilling news my father was tootling about Coles last night in his wheelchair, powered by yours truly, when he began warbling about "Don't let your ding dong dangle in the dirt..."
Some 20-somethings nearby overheard him and I had to shush him as they got that wild eyed look about 'em like they were going to stampede through the fresh produce section in mad abandon and mayhem (you know how these young'uns carry on when they realise they weren't the first generation to sing smutty songs or discover sex!).
But I found the (slightly different version) full words of the song for Dad and your reading pleasure below....

Don't let your ding-dong dangle in the dirt,

If you dangle your ding-dong it might get hurt

Put it in your pocket or shove it up your shirt,

But don't let your ding-dong dangle in the dirt.

Dad can be heard at approx. 6pm this evening in a Coles supermarket near you!

1905 NZ Maoris were granted an exemption to the White Australia Policy.

1916 Fire destroyed the Parliament Buildings with 7 killed, the result of a probably carelessly thrown away cigarette. The library was saved by the closing of the iron doors but it wasn't until 1920 when it was completely rebuilt in the Gothic revival style.
Shedloads of photos HERE.

1931 Hawkes Bay earthquake, hitting 7.8 on the Richter Scale, was the worst ever; killed 256 people and the worst damage was in the Napier and Hastings area.

1942 The Oz War Cabinet rubber stamped the Army's plans to introduce uniform conditions across all areas of the armed service.
Except nothing was mentioned about correcting the discriminatory low level of pay imposed upon the unsung heroes of the Torres Strait Islanders who served in the Army defending the northern part of Oz.

1947 In Snag, Yukon, they were snuggling up for warmth when the mercury dipped to -64C.
Throw another log on the fire....

1964 Sydney began trialling the double deck train carriages on it's rail lines.
And, before you ask about using them in Melbourne, they've trashed the trial 4D train they were using, mixed excuses why they're not being implemented, full history HERE.

Swimming lessons of yesteryear

Sticky, mortal subject here in Oz.
An island surrounded by water with most capital cities based near the beaches which are so inviting, (mostly) clean and are covered in roasting pink lobsters with two legs every summer.
And the drownings.
Andrew rightly asked why are kids not being taught to properly swim these days?
Those of us over a certain age were expected to attain a new level of swimming certificate Each.And.Every.Summer.Without.Fail.
If doing swimming lessons through school they were generally scheduled both before and after the Summer hols with kids fully trained in the basics (at least) of swimming thought safe to be unleashed on the long hot Summer hols ahead.
We were made to swim, dammit, there was no molly-coddling bs of 'going at our own pace'.
I can well remember the Caulfield pool, one scene of our lessons, where we had to jump in and get the lessons started, everyone equal in their ability (except those show-off boys who could hold their breath under water for the longest time and won Razzes or Sunny Boys for their talent).
The teachers knew the way to a mercenary feral school kids heart; they'd toss 20 cent pieces down into the deep end and we'd be duck diving after them faster than a rat up a drain pipe. If they were raw recruits straight out of Uni we'd con them into tossing 50 cent pieces which would result in near bloodshed at the antics of acquisitive (rather than inquisitive) students. 
We were made to take at least 5 jumps off the highest high diving board (Olympic standard) at Caulfield pool from grade 4 aged 8/9 onwards, plunging down into the depths like a bullet and then swimming up, up, up towards the light. Soon cured anyone of their fear!
We were pitted against each other in races by the teachers to make us work harder, to try that bit more to do our best under our own efforts, none of this 'all inclusive no one is a loser, everyone is a competitor' bs they prattle now.
Cos the real world is soooo all about inclusiveness without competition or danger... isn't it?
 Grade 6 aged 11/12  over several days we were expected to jump off and slide down a slide off the side of Brighton or St Kilda baths at the deep end, swim our way to a pontoon, climb up it and then swim back.
Then we were expected to climb the slippery metal ladder to do it all again except this time we had to climb in to a kayak tethered near the pontoon and then paddle into shore. 15 times minimum we were expected to leap off, swim,paddle, climb back up and do it all again (we enjoyed it so much we all well and truly exceeded the minimum).
All the while fully clothed, including shoes.
From memory we had to wear our bathers underneath and remove the outer clothing while in the water and stuff them into the plastic bags we carried - simulating entering the water under emergency conditions.
At one point the teachers (not in the water) bombarded us with various things like plastic balls and other floating toys to give us another obstacle to overcome and no, I was not one of those dreadful kids who began throwing the balls back to at the teachers.
Really....
The days us grade 6-ers did it it was threatening to storm, the waves were choppy, sporadic light showers kept sweeping over us and the obligatory urban myth about the shark fence having so many holes in it that sharks, stingrays and blue-ring octopi were traded back and forth.
But by God we knew how to swim.

February 1,... 11 was a racehorse, 22 was 1 2, 1111 race, 22112.

1858 Captain William Dean in his balloon Australiasian made the first balloon ascent in Oz at Cremorne Gardens Melbourne.

1878 Ring ring! Cyrille Duquet, who hailed from Quebec, patented  his version of the telephone.

1888 The Torres Strait Island newspaper The Daily Pilot began publication on this day.

1893 Prince Albert, in Saskatchewan, was chilling out to the coldest day on record at -56.7 degrees C.

1919 first air crash fatality in NZ happened when Cecil McKenzie Hill, who was the chief instructor for the Canterbury Aviation Company, was killed while flying over Riccarton Racecourse.

1920 The Royal Canadian Mounted Police Force began galloping after their men!

1925 The gracious and gorgeous Melbourne Town Hall was gutted by fire. .

1968 While our Australian and NZ troops continued their resistance against the full-scale attack on their base at Nui Dat by Viet Cong forces. 

1969 Oz signed on to the International Convention of the Elimination of all forms of Racial Discrimination...but the CERD treaty came to be closely eye-balled in the 1990s as Oz had failed to eliminate racial discrimination for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders.

1971 The Canadian Post Office began the "assured mail program' where mail dropped into the mailbox before 11am was guaranteed next day delivery (in major cities).

1980 At the stroke of 9 pm NZ Police raided the Westside sauna in Auckland, question 30 men, arrested and charged 8.

1981 Trevor Chappell bowled underarm to the Kiwis.
Speaking of Trevor Chappell (the radio host NOT the cricketer) he interviewed an author, John Gardner, of a beaut new Oz history book The Dunny Man, Taking Care of Business.