Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The brain, she is a bitch when it comes to critters....IN THE HOUSE!

I was about to expound on something fluffy and nonsensical when I happened to glance up to where the cords for my printer are dangling.
Black cords, looped, hanging down the back of the shelf.
Except...
Some of those black loops aren't loops.
They are black, hairy legs.

With black, shiny beady eyeballs watching me.
There's an ever-so-slight...twitch in one of those black hairy legs.
It twitches every time I move my chair.

Commonsense tells me it's reacting to the vibrations through the floor but the PANIC part of my brain - which is the part we ALL listen to in these instances, of course - is going into great details about how the thinking behind those black, shiny beady eyeballs is plotting to swoop upon me the moment I dare to move or take my eyes from it and then....
It will take me down with a rugby tackle, indulge in a little patter up and down my bare arms *shudder* while I'm frozen on the floor in fear, allowing the Creature of DOOOOOOOM to weave whatever knitting/crochet pattern takes its fancy (Fair Isle? Basketweave? Is Mock Cable in fashion this season? How about good old Gart Stitch?) all over me, turning me into one of those dessicated victim husks you avoid hanging in webs.

On the other hand, whispers a very quiet voice, we could get the wouldn't-hurt-a-fly Spouse to gently capture it, take it outside and release it into the trees with its brethren.
Or squish that mofo sucker flat with a wicked slap with the thong....

10 comments:

scottsabode said...

Squish it with the thong!!!!

River said...

Now, Jayne, you know perfectly well that leg twitch is the spider preparing to flee out of range should you advance towards it.
Tsk Tsk.

Plus if you squish it you have to clean the mess....

JahTeh said...

Jayne, you just have to get an electronic bug zapper. It looks like a tennis racquet with batteries in the handle and it gives them the zap of death in no time. BOH love his, to the extent of leaving the front door open to entice mozzies inside to their doom.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Haha! Who won? This is why I'd struggle with pantheism ...

Windsmoke. said...

Poor spider is only looking for some company and you want to squash him with thong naughty, naughty :-).

Debby said...

I'm not afraid of spiders. Unless they're reeeeeeeeeally big. Unless they bite. Or...well...I actually might be a little afraid of spiders after all.....

Peter said...

Poor little thing, it's probably feeding on other things that would make your eyes pop out of your head.

Like Scottsabode's comment, thongs, rubber ones that is, can always come in handy.

Take Care,
Peter

Davo said...

AH, Buddha he say (or was it Confucious?) .. anything smaller than you more terrified. Have to admit that i have an 'open door' policy around this house buuut, while there are several Huntsmen in various rooms, and a big black one hiding behind the curtains in the laundry (busy eating the bloody big blowflies).. had to draw the line at the huntsman sitting on my pillow. After several verbal entreaties to 'go somewhere else', without response ... it sort of became squished.

Devi said...

I have no mercy for a huntsman spider that attempts to take residence inside the house.
He he he, I remember you telling me hairspray immobilizes them as you gave me emotional support over the phone. ;) hope all went well!

lavenderbay said...

Poor little spider.

Okay, I didn't see it. Poor big honkin' footballer-shouldered spine-coated spider.

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