Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Walkies!!!!!!!!!

Remember I traumatised you all with talk of the mofo arachnids hanging out in the backyard ready and waiting to dine on moi?
Yeah, they're Orb Weavers.
Purdy lil things....unless you have a jungle like mine where the damn things take down a few of the wandering water buffalo that trot past, trip up and snack on the odd elephant that meaders into their jaws or the daily breakfast of white pointer sharks they catch in their home-spun nets.
Hubby and feral offspring tell me they pat these critters as they do the limbo dance to avoid walking into the webs.
First one up on the decking is apparently one generation, normal size and clever enough to wait until the stupid pink monkeys have gone inside before it lowers itself and begins spinning.
The next along the pathway is about three time the size, a large whopper with an abdomen so large stupid pink monkeys feel the urge to pat it.
*shudder*
The next one further along, almost in the back chook yard is twice as large as the last, big enough for stupid pink monkeys to count their reflections in it's eye-thingie-whatsits.
And yet....they still feel the need to pat the damn thing.
I'm waiting for one of them to rock up on the back step one night with a collar and leash in hand offering to take the stupid pink male monkeys for walkies.

10 comments:

Beet said...

*shudder*

uh

*shudders again*

Note to self. Do not go into Ro's backyard.

Cazzie!!! said...

Yeah the huge ones tend to spin their webs so fast too. We moved into this house a year ago this month. In between offloading stuff into the house, going back to the other house (took about 45mins, and the Sun was beginning to set).. a dirty big spider I had never ever seen before had (appropriately) spun a web between a bush and the verandah and was sitting smack dab at my face height! I freaked out. Hubby got it with the broom and the body of it was humungous. Different all together to a Huntsman.. something I would never kill.
I dislike going out in the garden at night! Forget it!

Windsmoke. said...

You must breed 'em big up there :-).

rhubarbwhine said...

Oh - we have them too! Pretty? Well, if you are into that kind of thing. (Which I am not!) x

Andrew said...

I think I walked through an orb web last week when on the way to the pub. Note on the way. It didn't matter how I swiped away at my face and head, I couldn't get rid of it.

lavenderbay said...

Rofl! The walkies are good, but don't accept the spiders' offer of a raw-food diet.

To Andrew: maybe you should've gone to a disco instead; the strobe lights would highlight those funky glitter-threads in your hair, and everyone would want to meet you.

Jayne said...

You and me both, B !

And you, three, Cazzie!

Yes, Windsmoke, bigguns.

No, Rhu, but the feral child thinks they're pretty.

Right, Andrew.
On the way to the pub.
Noted.

ROFL Lavenderbay, that sounds like sensible advice for Andrew :P

River said...

I haven't seen a single orb or web around here for a few years now. So sad. They're quite pretty and the webs are a miracle, so big in such a short time!
I wouldn't be patting them though.

Toni said...

*shudder*

My kids used to collect the damn things, can you imagine? I had to ban them. I was never game to open any plastic containers....

Peter said...

I just happen to have a Garden Orb Weaving Spider, Eriophora sp. (Araneidae) crawling around back at my blog. Just remember...don't swat the screen, you'll only hurt yourself.

Take Care,
Peter

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