Saturday, November 13, 2010

Medical diagnosis - I'm knackered

I am knackered.
I'm supposed to go chasing blood samples to get taken from Dad to get stored for later testing for genetic cancer (cos, of course, as a finale the dipshits at the hospital did NOT phone pathology to get the bloods done as promised) and we're still no clearer on where the possible cancer might be.
But I'm knackered.
Dad needs supervision walking, showering, dressing and sometimes feeding himself which can be more tiring than doing it for him.
I have to make his food and encourage him with every.single. meal and snack - smother anything in cream and he'll eat it, is one trick I've found.
And I'm knackered.
I wash everything by hand - yes, my stupid choice - and the laundry pile has grown into a major mountain or it could if I didn't wash every day.
Earth's Choice laundry powder with a squirt of Earth's Choice dishwashing liquid concentrate really does the job - cuts out the smell, leaves it clean and fresh and my laundry doesn't smell like the fish markets, plus the grey water goes out onto our lawn and doesn't create a HazChem spill.
I am knackered.
I contacted a 'long lost' cousin last year and opened a nasty can of worms - when someone says "oh yes, I want to know all about the family tree"  that actually means "So long as you don't dare tell me there might be Indigenous ancestry" - which results in a rude, childish email cutting all further contact and further mouthfuls of abuse from another cousin at myself and my ill father.
I am knackered.
I gave up smoking but replaced it with eating and am a bajillion kilos overweight, (not that I was a slip of a thing to start with) and the fluid retention has come galloping back with the heat.
I'm knackered.
My darling daughter attemtped suicide almost 5 years ago, she's been up and down emotionally (suspected bi polar) while we've been walking on eggshells and trying to help her anyway we can, biting our tongues until she threw a major tantrum and hasn't been in touch for some months.
I am knackered.
I have a squillion heirloom tomatoes and vegie seedlings burbling along quite merrily but now the dreaded locust is hitting Melbourne so the Spouse and I had to trot about in the rain and dark spreading a net over them all last night which is nothing compared to the locust plague facing farmers.
I'm trying to do at least 2 hours per day on thebastardthing aka the exercise bike but it's not making much impact.
But I'm too knackered to do anything at the moment.


  1. Someone very wise said to me recently

    "I think it's that time of year, when everyone is tired, stretched to breaking point and beyond endurance.
    (((Hugs))) Take a deep breath - then exhale, rinse and repeat - and remind yourself that you need to be kind to yourself and have a day off on your terms xxx."

    And I couldn't put it any better myself. Take it easy, you are doing an amazing job with everything you have to deal with at the moment.
    Well done on the smoking, I know how hard that is...


  2. Hand in there. will have to read more of you older posts. Snowed under at present with the GOFA and my own work, but will get there. As for family who deny heritage, well, you know both our opinions on that. Sad.

  3. Maybe the Wet is drowning the sodding locusts??? One can but hope...

    And yes - worms associated with family trees are Interesting Things (and sometimes, there are very good reasons that long lost cousins get lost!)

  4. Ro, there are so many people out here "who take their hat of to you"
    You are doing a awesome job, hang in there.
    Flos xx

  5. Breathe, Jayne, breathe. Now sit down for 5 minutes with your feet up. Repeat every couple of hours or so. The sitting, not the breathing, THAT you have to keep doing non-stop....{{{hug}}}

  6. Oh dear darl... that is quite a list there! I in awe of your handwashing - I would never come up for air if I tried that.

    Hang tight. Good will triumph.

  7. Perhaps it is time to take a breath and cut yourself a break. I think that you should send all the laundry out, every bit of it, and let a machine wash and dry it. How much time will that save?

    Block e-mails from people who only make matters worse. I had to do that with some of my family. Yes, indeedy, I have become the 'baddie' who doesn't have any feelings for her family, but it has saved a lot of angst. I just don't fight with them. I just won't.

    Your daughter? You must stand back and understand that there is not much you can do for her. Don't believe for a moment that I don't know how hard that is...I do it every day, and it makes me very sad. But it is what it is?

    I gave up smoking nearly 11 years ago. It is not easy, however it does get easier.


  8. ugh, i saw locusts on my driveway a couple of days ago, but i've been on nights and unable to get netting. It will be a priority after tonight.

  9. It's the aliens. Miserable troublemakers. I think they come from the plant Nak in the great Kurd galaxy. They are invisible but you know they are around by their annoying habit of bothering those who need to be bother least of all.
    Shoot the bastards on sight!

    I gave up smoking almost 8 years ago. Really glad I did after the first year. Sadly some of the weight I gained is with me to this day. Bet it's the aliens fault.

  10. Thank you.
    Some of you made me cry at your kindness and others gave me a good chuckle.
    I'm just going to veg and let the brain idle in neutral for a bit.

  11. If it makes you feel better you've sort of made me feel better. There I was whinging to myself saying why do I always bite off enough to choke on and then I look at your list - shheesssh. You have a right to be knackered, in fact if there was a gold medal in being knackered I dare say you'd win it! Take it easy my friend and be kind to yourself.

  12. Hey Jayne - I understand a few of your stones and can only imagine others.

    Listen to them above about things what they know.

    BTW, as an ex-smoker I can speak on that matter - and while there is still the doggarned occasional "need of a drag" that enters your head, remembering the screaming agony of giving up in the first place and the joy of breathing without a burning throat and tongue really puts it into perspecitve!

  13. Giving up smoking makes EVERYTHING seem worse (though that doesn't mean it's not actually bad in it's own right - if that makes sense).

    Hang in there. Maybe something positive is about to happen.


  14. Shame on Google for not positioning this post higher!