Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Let's call a spade a frigging shovel, shall we?

Oooooooo, well, would ya look at that!
A gazillion peeps have read my last post but no one has been game enough to comment.
Let's talk turkey, boys and girls ; I was a nurse, I've seen this end stage plenty of times, I'm being realistic - the emotions will hit home hard when I don't have any more strength to hold them at arms length.

Dad is pretty cactus - his body is beyond the warranty, the guarantee ran out decades ago and he's been living on borrowed time for a while...when you count the heart attacks, TIAs (mini strokes), Prostate Cancer, pneumonias, malaria, smoking, drinking and wild, wild women...plus that little event he took part in, WW2.

And let's be honest, possums - the brain is being kind to the elderly at this stage when their dignity is galloping out the door faster than Black Cavier in the 5th at Randwick by sending them off to fairyland and letting them live in a make believe world.
Yep, the body gives up along with the brain and the pooping, peeing, vomiting and stuff happens.
This is why you need to love your nurses and pay them trillions of buckaroonies.
Cos if you're too hesitant to comment on it, how would you handle it with your loved ones?

So, comment away, the hide is thick at the moment, can't say how long this will last but go for it while you have a sporting chance *snort*


  1. Commented below... and may I add that I know people keep on telling me I am not paid enough to do my job, but, all I can answer them with is that I love my job and couldn't think of anything else I would want to do- except sit in the middle of some countryside paddock and sketch some old lightning struck tree with a background of the most magnificent blue sky!

  2. I have to read yesterday's post now, but Ro... I am really impressed with the dignity you are maintaining on this journey.

    In my mind, honesty is very dignified, no matter how messy the reality can be.

    Buy hey... that's just me.

    Now, let's go read yesterday...


  3. Dealing with eldery folk is not easy........be they parents or grandparents.
    you are doing a fabulous job and your dad is lucky to have you.
    I went through this with both of my grandparents so I know how difficult it can be.


  4. I heard about an organisation, volunteer or professional I am unsure, that comes in for perhaps the last day or two to support family who are looking after someone who is dying at home. They are experts in recognising all the signs and progressions and they also assist with post death arrangements. Perhaps not for you, but it sounded very worthwhile.

  5. well I had to read the post below to understand what you were referring too. Been offline for a few days. To be honest one thing I admire about you is your honesty and the fact that you often say what others are too scared too.

    The reality is your right if we are to scared to leave a comment on the post below then how do we handle reality when the time comes?

    I am scared witless about my parents health declining and as self centered as I am, my own health when the time approaches.

    In the past I have adopted the head in the sand technique, but in the last few years with family deaths I have been talking to my folks about this while I can.

    I know this is a hard time for you Ro. I hope the no holds bar discussion went well with the GP. Well as good as one can expect when discussing final arrangements.


  6. Just caught up on your other post and I'm sorry to hear of your Dad's decline. I've been through it many times, not just with my own mother, but also working in Palliative Care. Everyone handles it differently and it's a very personal journey.

    May you guys get through it in the best way you can & keep being honest, it's the best way to be x

  7. Yup. Didn't know what to say last night, as I read your post on the iPod in the dark.
    This is big, hard and scary, and I know that you'll hold it together until everything that needs to be done is done and then you will crash big time.
    Call me then and I'll take you somewhere you can scream and scream and smash stuff and scream.
    Nurses are awesome, amazing people. Your Dad is a charmer and even though I've seen him so frail, I still remember his teasing when the kids were younger.
    *hugs* Sorry this time has arrived.

  8. I never know what to say....
    If I did I wish I could say something that helped.

    I do know that I am thinking of you and your family though.

    I lost my Dad very suddenly at age 20 - and neither situation seems 'better'.

    I'm so sorry...


  9. Oh dear... I am AWOL for a couple of days and LOOK what happens. So sorry you are having to face (what sounds like) the inevitable. Enormous hugs to your Da - glad he enjoyed his calendars over the past couple of years and hope you get plenty of support over the next days and weeks.

    Thinking of you.

  10. I had to scroll down and read your previous post since I missed it somehow.
    I didn't go through this with my parents, they both kept their minds until the day they died in hospitals.
    I know this is hard for you (and hard work too), but sympathy is all I can offer.

  11. I would be quite happy to have someone drop me off the side of the escarpment when I get to that stage. I threaten hubby that he will end up being tilted out of a wheelchair if needs be.
    Is it selfish to say that I am glad both my parents and my mother-in-law died before they reached the state of your father because I would NOT have been able to cope?
    It's a tricky question .. quality of life .. and if there really is something to be said for having the right to end it on your own terms.

  12. Nikki aka Widdle ShamrockApril 13, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Sweeets, handle this section of time as you need to, you wanna make inappropriate jokes, I will make them with and laugh.

    When you are ready or wanting to cry, I will be here with a shoulder and some tissues.


  13. You know I've been through this, one in hospital, one at home and I can say, grab every bit of help you can. You are not superwoman and what will hit home when it's over is relief, don't hate yourself for that, it's normal and will be followed by grief in its own sweet time.