Friday, November 18, 2011

Paint me insane and Speak Out

Domestic violence.
It has NO place in our lives.
No excuse covers that crap.
No victim is the cause of their own pain.
No one 'makes' someone hurt another person.
Do not buy the lies and bullshit excuses that bullies use to validate and justify their behaviour and actions upon their victims.

I've been there and done that, got the t-shirt to prove it, blah blah blah.
I don't talk about it much cos I had so many people telling me it was my own fault, in-laws telling me I was the problem, that I was the cause of the domestic violence I copped.
And, yeah, I still feel guilty that I didn't take control earlier, that I let someone tell me I deserved to be punched.
See, when your bully isolates you and doesn't let you have much contact with other people or friends you start to listen and believe what you do hear, which was both his insistant voice and his hands.
But, after a break where I was away for work for a short time, the screaming obvious crashed home to me.
So, in the end I walked, I left my marriage and had umpteen in-laws telling me and everyone that I was insane, crazy, etc.

Because only the insane and crazy don't like getting beaten by fists or words, apparently.
Speak Out!
Don't let those mongrels control the silence in which they thrive.


  1. So true. And the bullies win by convincing the victim that they are at fault. There is nothing I can do which warrants becoming someone else's punching bag.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story and supporting Speak Out. Here from the link.

  3. Stop feeling guilty that you didn't take control earlier - if he was doing 'his job' properly you never would have at all.
    There is a loser in your story and it isn't you.

  4. From the time I was a teenager, I always said that if someone hit me, I wouldn't be making excuses for them, I wouldn't be saying things like I walked into a door etc.
    Years later when my second husband did hit me, I told everyone, including the policemen that I called the next morning to take him to jail.
    While he was in jail, I moved out with the help of my kids from the first marriage.

  5. That last sentence "Don't let those mongrels control the silence in which they thrive" is powerful!!

    Thanks for sharing your story. I am just pleased you were able to walk away depsite the ex inlaws and the ex.

  6. I remember a family from teaching some years back, where the wife/mother seemed so timid and unconfident. Then suddenly one day, she had an 'affair' and upped and left. Her children became more confident, and she became more lively and confident. Those who knew her before her marriage said she had become more like the person she used to be before. It turned out she was living with a very controlling man, who dictated her days by lists of what she had to do, even when he was at work. Good on her, she got out of it, and life began anew for her and her boys, with a new man who was much more friendly and warm.

  7. You did it. You left. Thank You, for your inspiration and for sharing.

  8. Good on ya for plucking up the courage to walk out and take control of your life :-).

  9. Thank goodness you had the strength. I have been so lucky but I know so many in the same position - love should never be like that.

  10. Jayne, thank you so much for sharing your own story and speaking out. So many of us. So, so many... x

  11. I so love this. I am a victim of workplace bullying and wish I had spoken up long long ago