Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Rules of House Alarms at 3.50am

There are few certainties in life, beyond the usual death and taxes....except when the house alarm goes off at 3.50am.

You WILL be dragged from a beautiful, restful, deep sleep by the SCREECHING alarm in the hallway outside your bedroom.

You WILL think your heart is about to rip through your chest as it goes from a lovely peaceful 60 beats per minute to a gazllion.

You WILL leap from the warm bed into the freezing cold without your specs.

You WILL quickly determine that it is a false alarm but the noise WILL continue.

You WILL frantically stab at any number on the control pad as the siren tries to pierce your ear-drums.

By 3.51am you WILL attempt to SHUT THE FECKING THING UP by ripping the plugs out of the wall.

The very brief nanosecond of silence WILL lull you into a false sense of security.

The back-up battery WILL kick in about 3 seconds later.

The phone cord attachment won't work either when you rip it out of the wall by 3.52am.

Repeatedly punching the code into the system WILL NOT work unless you can find your specs to find the magic "OFF" button.

Asking the tribe "WHERE THE FECK IS THE OFF BUTTON?" WILL result in the usual shrugs and teen male almost rocking in the corner.

Wondering if taking a hammer to the control box before the neighbours start hammering on your front door WILL NOT help.

Another few minutes of the SCREAMING siren WILL get the teen male poking at the key pad and FINALLY finding the magic OFF button.

The sudden silence WILL leave your ears ringing.

You WILL NOT be able to return to sleep.

You WILL drop off to sleep RIGHT before the alarm clock goes off thereby ensuring you do NOT hear it.

You WILL miss your early morning appointment at the Royal Eye and Ear Hosp.

You WILL write the rest of the day off and wallow in crochet, instead.


  1. Paint that off button with glow-in-the-dark paint. Something that will continue to glow all night obviously.

  2. Oh Jayne - that is a nightmare for you... How awful.

  3. Errmm...the Rule of Murphy is..Thou shalt have faulty alarm go off in the dead of the night..thous shalt trip over onto one's face down the passage and get one bloodied nose...then thou shalt inflict a thousand curses on the %^^!! who stuffed it all up.

    Yep go and wallow with that crochet and that was brilliantly written.

    Big hugs and get some sleep tonight!